I Feel Like Chicken Tonight! Like Chicken Tonight!...

" Pimp paid prostitute with chicken nuggets"

Hmmm...Sounds like this chick was really classy.

I wonder what she does for a McRib?

Time To Switch Outfits Me Thinks...

"Man wearing "I ♥ My Marriage" t-shirt busted for domestic battery"

Hmmm...What alarms me is the fact that he's a financial consultant. His stock picks are probably brutal as well.

So my first thought is this, I wonder if Chris Brown gave him that shirt? Secondly, any movie starring Kirk Cameron probably would drive you to beat someone or at the very least give you a case of Irritable Bowel Syndrome...

Magic Fairy or Crackhead? You Decide...

"Stranger Shows Up at Funeral, Hits Dead Man"

Somebody, please hire this woman for my funeral! She sounds like a breath of fresh air on what otherwise would be a totally shitty day...

I like the flourish at the end of the performance: throwing flowers at the family after dancing around the casket and slapping the dead guy with a wand. Very avant garde...I wonder if she does kid's parties?

And Some People Think I Am Disturbed...

After reading this article, I can truly say that I am grossed out beyond grossed out. It's bad enough to have sex with a dead body but to have sex with one that was pregnant and one with her head dangling off is what REALLY horrifies me.

Actually, I'm curious to see what this degenerate looks like. Thanks for not posting a picture Cincinnati.com! Now, I'll spend my lunch looking for his mugshot due to my sick sense of curiosity...

10 Things That I Wish Would Be Swallowed Up In A Blackhole...

10) The Octo-mom: Please go away and take those lips with you...
9) Most Rap music: Seriously, why is this crap still around?...
8) Toe rings: Unfortunately, most of them reside on an unpolished, crusty little toe...
7) Those weird breakfast sandwiches like the McGriddle...
6) Fashionistas: Most of them look like they were high when they got dressed...
5) People who blow their noses at the table. So gross...
4) Those little pieces of fuzz that sometimes inhabit my sweaters...
3) Phones that double as a walkie talkie.
2) Ugg boots.
1) Beyonce. Please shoot yourself into outer space and never come back...

Starbucks...Or Is It?...

So, I recently found an old gift card for Starbucks given to me back in the day. I figured since there is a "Starbucks" located in our office building, I can use it there and was mildly pleased as this would save me the $2.50 I would normally spend on coffee every morning. Low and Behold, I am made aware that I can not use my Starbucks gift card at the Starbucks because it really isn't a Starbucks. Never mind that EVERY sign in the damn place says it's a Starbucks it really isn't. Even though the cups and coffee say "Starbucks" on them, it really isn't a Starbucks.

What kind of BS is this? What next? Every McDonald's is not really going to be a McDonald's. Ronald isn't really Ronald, he's really Fred McDonald but we call him Ronald anyway? To make a long story short I ended up paying $2.50 for my coffee this morning...

Octo-Mom...

I'm already getting tired of this dimwit. Please world, enough of the Octo-Mom! If you ignore her she will go away...Of course she's going to steal our tax dollars on the way out but at least she will go away!

Happy Birthday KatMist!!!

Sign up on Facebook already, damn...

My Girlfriend Is Patent Pending...

"Blow-up Doll Party: Floridian nabbed for public ménage a trois with plastic partners"

Disturbing...

This guy is either totally ahead of his time in the artificial girlfriend department or he's just totally lonely.

After reading the article I would add "totally clueless" as well. When having sex with blow-up dolls, you must first take your pants off...I know this not from experience but from a good friend named Kathleen. (She's freaky like that...Shhh don't tell anyone)

Gazongas Galore...

"Record-Breaking Breasts"

Melons

Um...What was this idiot thinking? Someone needs to tell her that she looks like she has a naked ass on her chest...and not in a good way.

I seriously think that those things smell like cheese in the folds under the actual boobs. How can she possibly reach around and clean under there? For that matter, how can she put on her damn socks and shoes!!! Something tells me she's probably wearing stilettos though. It's kind of hard to swing around a stripper pole in flats...

I'll Have The Fish Balls, Hold the Mayo Please...

"Poisonous Fish Testicles Send 7 Japanese Diners to Hospital"

People eat fish balls?

It intrigues me to think that someone actually sat there and thought out the removal and preparation of blowfish testicles. And with the added bonus of having people pay for it...I'm pretty sure this guy was a sadist.

I actually don't feel sorry for these donuts that got sick. As my great granny used to say "If you put rotten balls in your mouth, you're gonna get sick." Actually, she would never say that but it sounds like good advice for more than one situation...

Tragic, But There Is A Bright Side...

"Model Loses Hands, Feet to Severe Infection"

Model pics

This really sucks. Thank God her talent was playing the piano with her tits. She can still compete. She's just got to find a way to tape the high heels to her ankles..

They Are Getting Desperate For Viewers Me Thinks...

Who knew that figure skating was so cutting edge? Quadruple flips, death drops and now...mammary showmanship.

So I am wondering. With her new element revealed to the audience do the judges score her under the technical difficulty portion or under the artistic interpretation card? OR is it a combination of both? Also, does the size of the ariola play a part in the level of difficulty?

I have included a picture of the incident purely for historical reasons and not because I like boobs...Boob

F*ck You Very Much!...

I recently bought a friend of mine a birthday present. Now, let me preface this with the fact that AT THE TIME of purchase, said friend was not acting like a complete douchebag. Okay, now that we got that tidbit on the table the rest of the story goes as follows....

So...I go out of my way to buy a friend a nice little gift for their birthday. It's actually something they already own, but what I bought was an upgrade to their existing item. Anyway, at the time I bought it the friend was on good terms with me and my other personalities. So I felt good about buying the gift. And of course I bought the wrapping paper and everything to make it nice and pretty and a card to go along with it. The friends' birthday is not for a another week so, of course, any Sherlock out there can deduce that I still have the gift in my possession.

Since the purchase of the gift and all that that entailed (the driving to the store, buying all the shit to make it look pretty and the actual time it took to construct said pretty packaging of gift), my friend has pushed my limits on what I find to be good taste and common courtesy. How, you may ask? To make a long story short, the fucker said I was fat not once, not twice but THREE GOD DAMN times! Actually they called me a "pig" once, a "cow" another time as well as "fat ass". Mind you, I am not fat, I am 6 feet tall and weigh @ 225lbs. I'm not Kate Moss but I could be her younger sister Kate Mess. Anyway, I digress...

Back to the present in question...Since my friend has so eloquently pointed out my fat to muscle ratio, I now feel stupid for buying the gift for someone who is rude and quite frankly, crass. So my question is this: Should I feel guilty about taking the gift back? Or should I just give it to them like I first intended to?

Ahh Memories...

So recently, as I was perusing the annuls of some my friends Facebook accounts I see a picture of a girl that I used to know when I was in high school. Mind you I didn't just know her, I HATED her. Now hate is a pretty strong word you might be saying and I would agree, and I don't tend to use the word lightly. This being said, you can understand that my gut reaction to seeing her picture was one of utter vomit inducing chagrin. Although the name has changed, her beady little eyes are the same...

A little background to the story. I'm pretty sure she grew up poor. Her sister was of dubious infamy and she was not attractive. She had a lot of strikes against her but I got along with her at first. Even defended her when people made a snide comment about her. She was basically a wall flower and generally likable.

Then...one day she wins a student council election and the next thing you know she thinks she's the homecoming queen. She starts acting different towards people and becomes a totally changed person. Starts dressing better, actually starts wearing decent make-up. I think she is doing well for herself until her head gets bigger than it should have.

But I digress... that's not why I hate her. I guess her new status entitles her be free to say whatever she wants, or so she feels so, and then...calls me faggot because I didn't care for something she made in class as a project. I wasn't rude about it I just wasn't fawning over it. She got a laugh and then felt it was "okay" to continue to call me that whenever she wanted. The fact that she used to call me a "faggot" is why I didn't like this asshole. The fact that she used to do it in front of people is why I hated her. The fact that she would laugh afterward in her funny little Spanish accent is why I HATED her.

So my question is this: Is it still okay to despise someone after all this time? Is this something that we naturally feel or is it something that I have conjured up to hold onto past feelings? I actually haven't thought about her at all until I saw that picture. Interesting thought...