I Feel Like Chicken Tonight! Like Chicken Tonight!...

" Pimp paid prostitute with chicken nuggets"

Hmmm...Sounds like this chick was really classy.

I wonder what she does for a McRib?

Time To Switch Outfits Me Thinks...

"Man wearing "I ♥ My Marriage" t-shirt busted for domestic battery"

Hmmm...What alarms me is the fact that he's a financial consultant. His stock picks are probably brutal as well.

So my first thought is this, I wonder if Chris Brown gave him that shirt? Secondly, any movie starring Kirk Cameron probably would drive you to beat someone or at the very least give you a case of Irritable Bowel Syndrome...

Magic Fairy or Crackhead? You Decide...

"Stranger Shows Up at Funeral, Hits Dead Man"

Somebody, please hire this woman for my funeral! She sounds like a breath of fresh air on what otherwise would be a totally shitty day...

I like the flourish at the end of the performance: throwing flowers at the family after dancing around the casket and slapping the dead guy with a wand. Very avant garde...I wonder if she does kid's parties?