I came across this recently and had to share his story. I believe it's been around awhile but it is still a good piece of history that everyone should be aware of:
For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt!".
Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way. Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Lodza Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt.
Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
NOW when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt", you can correct them.
Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt
Showing posts with label dumb shit. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dumb shit. Show all posts
Monday, October 27, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
101 Uses For A Vacuum...
"Swan Creek Township, Michigan, man jailed for activity at car wash"
There are a couple troubling tidbits that were left out of this story:
1) Had the vacuum reached age of consent before providing sexual favors to the 29 year old horndog?
2) Will the 911 call be released to the public in which a concerned caller rats out the perpetrator. I think there may be a little bit of jealousy going on here. Could this possibly be a love triangle gone bad?
3) Was the police officer wearing Green Bay Cheesehead slippers so as to not be heard whilst stalking the alleged criminal?
Actually, I think the most disturbing thing about this is that someone actually got up at 6 am and went to go and vacuum their car. WTF?
On the plus side, he did actually save some money. You'd think a professional would have charged him around $30.00 for the knob job and the vacuum was only about $1.50. This tough economy is hitting us all where it hurts...
There are a couple troubling tidbits that were left out of this story:
1) Had the vacuum reached age of consent before providing sexual favors to the 29 year old horndog?
2) Will the 911 call be released to the public in which a concerned caller rats out the perpetrator. I think there may be a little bit of jealousy going on here. Could this possibly be a love triangle gone bad?
3) Was the police officer wearing Green Bay Cheesehead slippers so as to not be heard whilst stalking the alleged criminal?
Actually, I think the most disturbing thing about this is that someone actually got up at 6 am and went to go and vacuum their car. WTF?
On the plus side, he did actually save some money. You'd think a professional would have charged him around $30.00 for the knob job and the vacuum was only about $1.50. This tough economy is hitting us all where it hurts...
Monday, October 13, 2008
Sounds Like A Move In A Square Dance..."Swing Your Chicken 'Round And 'Round"
"Rabbi Alleges Threat Over Chicken Ritual"
I am still laughing my ass off as I type this post. The following article (from the http://www.washintgtonpost.com/ website) is seriously one of the best tidbits that I have read in a very long time. Not because of the writing, but of the imagery it produces:
"YOM KIPPUR
Rabbi Alleges Threat Over Chicken Ritual
New York City police are investigating a rabbi's complaint that threatening e-mails were sent in connection with the slaughter of chickens to atone for sins before Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of Atonement.
Rabbi Shea Hecht of the National Committee for Furtherance of Jewish Education says the e-mails were sent by supporters of a People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals campaign opposing the ritual, known as kapparot. He says some people added threatening and anti-Semitic comments to an online PETA form letter.
The Brooklyn-based Jewish organization slaughters about 4,000 chickens.
A PETA spokesman says the ritual is abusive and unnecessary."
If you look at the definition of "kapparot" you will see that it's basically someone swinging a chicken around in the air and chanting. The poor thing is probably freaking out shitting all over the place. LOL! This combined with the imagery of some PETA zealot sitting at a computer typing death threats cracks me the fuck up. The ritual sounds kinda ridiculous to me but what is even more ridiculous is the PETA person getting all crazazy in the hazazy. I wonder if they eat the chicken after getting it all dizzied up? Someone will have to let me know about that one.
I am still laughing my ass off as I type this post. The following article (from the http://www.washintgtonpost.com/ website) is seriously one of the best tidbits that I have read in a very long time. Not because of the writing, but of the imagery it produces:
"YOM KIPPUR
Rabbi Alleges Threat Over Chicken Ritual
New York City police are investigating a rabbi's complaint that threatening e-mails were sent in connection with the slaughter of chickens to atone for sins before Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of Atonement.
Rabbi Shea Hecht of the National Committee for Furtherance of Jewish Education says the e-mails were sent by supporters of a People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals campaign opposing the ritual, known as kapparot. He says some people added threatening and anti-Semitic comments to an online PETA form letter.
The Brooklyn-based Jewish organization slaughters about 4,000 chickens.
A PETA spokesman says the ritual is abusive and unnecessary."
If you look at the definition of "kapparot" you will see that it's basically someone swinging a chicken around in the air and chanting. The poor thing is probably freaking out shitting all over the place. LOL! This combined with the imagery of some PETA zealot sitting at a computer typing death threats cracks me the fuck up. The ritual sounds kinda ridiculous to me but what is even more ridiculous is the PETA person getting all crazazy in the hazazy. I wonder if they eat the chicken after getting it all dizzied up? Someone will have to let me know about that one.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
'Scuse Me Mz While I Knock You Da Fuk Out!...
"Man Beats Teen Girl Over Who Was First at McDonald's"
See what happens when you shoot off your mouth at Mikey D's!
How many times have you been in line, anywhere (BK, Mickey D's, Disneyland, etc...), and you just wanted to beat the living shinola out of someone in line as well? Kudos to this guy!
I'm guessing that the girl was one of those Bratz doll type little ho's with a sense of entitlement bigger than Clay Aiken at a bathhouse and this guy, most likely a thug because, honestly, who else would be that bold and ig'nant to walk up to the front of the line and start placing their Big Mac order? Anyway, I digress...He probably came up and she started with the chicken head bobbing "No he di'ent" routine and he clocked her. Too bad the Ronald McDonald cam video wasn't released. I think it would make for some great popcorn fare...
See what happens when you shoot off your mouth at Mikey D's!
How many times have you been in line, anywhere (BK, Mickey D's, Disneyland, etc...), and you just wanted to beat the living shinola out of someone in line as well? Kudos to this guy!
I'm guessing that the girl was one of those Bratz doll type little ho's with a sense of entitlement bigger than Clay Aiken at a bathhouse and this guy, most likely a thug because, honestly, who else would be that bold and ig'nant to walk up to the front of the line and start placing their Big Mac order? Anyway, I digress...He probably came up and she started with the chicken head bobbing "No he di'ent" routine and he clocked her. Too bad the Ronald McDonald cam video wasn't released. I think it would make for some great popcorn fare...
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
What Are You Doing With That Thing?...
"Horrific High School Football Hazing Case Shakes New Mexico Town"
Oh for crying out loud, this is not that bad of an incident.
The headline makes it seem like the broomsticks were actually stuck up inside of their stinkholes instead of what was probably just poking at the rim with the broom handle. "Horrific" my ass! Sounds like a regular Saturday night at the club.
Now if the coach pulled out his boner and started smacking it on someone's head, THAT would be horrific...(I'm getting hot and bothered just thinking about that one actually, but I digress...)...They had their fucking shorts on for Chrisakes! Sounds like another overblown bullshit case of hazing.
Las Vegas, NM is a shit hole anyway. They need some sort of entertainment out there.
Now if it were possible to stick something up your ass while still having your clothes on, gay bars in America would truly be a site to behold. In fact I might venture out to the dance floor more often...
Oh for crying out loud, this is not that bad of an incident.
The headline makes it seem like the broomsticks were actually stuck up inside of their stinkholes instead of what was probably just poking at the rim with the broom handle. "Horrific" my ass! Sounds like a regular Saturday night at the club.
Now if the coach pulled out his boner and started smacking it on someone's head, THAT would be horrific...(I'm getting hot and bothered just thinking about that one actually, but I digress...)...They had their fucking shorts on for Chrisakes! Sounds like another overblown bullshit case of hazing.
Las Vegas, NM is a shit hole anyway. They need some sort of entertainment out there.
Now if it were possible to stick something up your ass while still having your clothes on, gay bars in America would truly be a site to behold. In fact I might venture out to the dance floor more often...
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
The Shit Hits The Fan...
So...It seems that not only is there a thief running around our building stealing shit from others (yesterday someone's lunch was stolen out of the God damn microwave if you can believe that. Add it to the list: My ring, bottles of orange juice, items off of a person's desk) now there is a renegade toilet non-flusher/vandal.
I go into the men's room to relieve myself and just happen to walk into a stall that someone obviously had been in recently - as there was a huge turd circling the calm waters of the porcelain God. But wait! It gets better...This was no ordinary log, no, this one had (cue mystery sound effects: "dun dun dun!")...hair growing out of it! Yes, that's right, it was a fucking hairy ass brown loaf, right there in the toilet! I was so grossed out I came right back to my desk and grabbed my phone so I could take a picture of this raunchy site. I am debating whether to add this photo to the post as it would certainly ruin my reputation of high brow material but then again...
This left me thinking, how does one get their shit to grow hair, literally? Several theories abound here in the office (you think I would keep this discovery to myself? Please...). Maybe they like to eat their own hair? Maybe it's an underdeveloped twin that was living inside their colon and was expelled. Maybe it's some type of voodoo ritual? Whatever the case, it's large and mean looking. I just think that judging by the size of the damn thing the owner didn't have the heart to flush it. I'm sure they were in labor for quite a spell and then realized that the act of flushing this being, especially since it had hair, would be too much to bear so they unleashed it upon the next unsuspecting sap who walked in. Unfortunately that had to be me...
I go into the men's room to relieve myself and just happen to walk into a stall that someone obviously had been in recently - as there was a huge turd circling the calm waters of the porcelain God. But wait! It gets better...This was no ordinary log, no, this one had (cue mystery sound effects: "dun dun dun!")...hair growing out of it! Yes, that's right, it was a fucking hairy ass brown loaf, right there in the toilet! I was so grossed out I came right back to my desk and grabbed my phone so I could take a picture of this raunchy site. I am debating whether to add this photo to the post as it would certainly ruin my reputation of high brow material but then again...
This left me thinking, how does one get their shit to grow hair, literally? Several theories abound here in the office (you think I would keep this discovery to myself? Please...). Maybe they like to eat their own hair? Maybe it's an underdeveloped twin that was living inside their colon and was expelled. Maybe it's some type of voodoo ritual? Whatever the case, it's large and mean looking. I just think that judging by the size of the damn thing the owner didn't have the heart to flush it. I'm sure they were in labor for quite a spell and then realized that the act of flushing this being, especially since it had hair, would be too much to bear so they unleashed it upon the next unsuspecting sap who walked in. Unfortunately that had to be me...
Friday, August 8, 2008
Do You Smell That?...
"Adult diapers litter Houston freeway, cause traffic troubles"
This story had so much potential...
From the headline you would think that someone was littering the highway with used Depends Undergarments or Poise Pads. I had visions of some disgruntled "care giver" from some nursing home or hospice that was really pissed off, maybe even one of those hardcore bitches that beat up the old people when they pee the bed, throwing these things out the window everyday on her way home from work; the debris just piling up day after day.
Then people started to notice a swarm of flies brewing just over the shoulder of the road. Was it a dead body possibly?
Maybe someone had been murdered and the body left there on the side of the road to be discovered.
Maybe there was some type of toxic leak from the city sewer system that was pooling there in the ditch causing any lifeforms that had the misfortune to come into contact with it to mutate and become rabid creatures in search of human flesh.
Maybe someone in one of those motorized wheelchairs hit a rock and tipped over onto the shoulder and rolled down the embankment, lying there unconscious. They possibly awoke with amnesia and didn't know where they were and just sat there, wasting away as the hours, days and months past by.
Maybe it was some portal into another dimension that was transporting intelligent life into our world to take us over and enslave the masses. What could be causing all those flies to gather like that?
But, no. It turns out that some idiot driver tipped his truck over making a turn. He was probably going too fast. But the real tragedy of this story is that the diapers weren't even used...
This story had so much potential...
From the headline you would think that someone was littering the highway with used Depends Undergarments or Poise Pads. I had visions of some disgruntled "care giver" from some nursing home or hospice that was really pissed off, maybe even one of those hardcore bitches that beat up the old people when they pee the bed, throwing these things out the window everyday on her way home from work; the debris just piling up day after day.
Then people started to notice a swarm of flies brewing just over the shoulder of the road. Was it a dead body possibly?
Maybe someone had been murdered and the body left there on the side of the road to be discovered.
Maybe there was some type of toxic leak from the city sewer system that was pooling there in the ditch causing any lifeforms that had the misfortune to come into contact with it to mutate and become rabid creatures in search of human flesh.
Maybe someone in one of those motorized wheelchairs hit a rock and tipped over onto the shoulder and rolled down the embankment, lying there unconscious. They possibly awoke with amnesia and didn't know where they were and just sat there, wasting away as the hours, days and months past by.
Maybe it was some portal into another dimension that was transporting intelligent life into our world to take us over and enslave the masses. What could be causing all those flies to gather like that?
But, no. It turns out that some idiot driver tipped his truck over making a turn. He was probably going too fast. But the real tragedy of this story is that the diapers weren't even used...
Friday, August 1, 2008
As Long As We Are On The Redneck Theme...
ARKANSAS STATE RESIDENCY APPLICATION
Name: ________________ (_) Billy-Bob (last) (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_)
Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack (_) Billy-Jefferson (Check appropriate box)
Age: ____ Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A
Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right
Occupation: (_)Farmer (_)Mechanic (_)Hair Dresser (_)Unemployed
Spouse's Name: __________________________
Relationship with spouse: (_) Sister (_) Brother (_) Aunt (_) Uncle (_) Cousin (_) Mother (_) Father (_) Son (_) Daughter (_) Pet
Number of children living in household: ___ Number that are yours: ___
Mother's Name: ____________ Father's Name:___________ (If not sure, leave blank)
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)
___ Total number of vehicles you own ___ Number of vehicles that still crank ___ Number of vehicles in front yard ___ Number of vehicles in back yard ___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks
Firearms you own and where you keep them: ____ truck ____ bedroom ____ bathroom ____ kitchen ____ shed
Model and year of your pickup: ___________194_
Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to: (_)The National Enquirer (_)The Globe (_)TV Guide (_)Soap Opera Digest
___ Number of times you've seen a UFO ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO
How often do you bathe: (_)Weekly (_)Monthly (_)Not Applicable
Color of teeth: (_)Yellow (_)Brownish-Yellow (_)Brown (_)Black (_)N/A
Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: (_)Red-Man
How far is your home from a paved road? (_)1 mile (_)2 miles (_)don't know
Name: ________________ (_) Billy-Bob (last) (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_)
Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack (_) Billy-Jefferson (Check appropriate box)
Age: ____ Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A
Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right
Occupation: (_)Farmer (_)Mechanic (_)Hair Dresser (_)Unemployed
Spouse's Name: __________________________
Relationship with spouse: (_) Sister (_) Brother (_) Aunt (_) Uncle (_) Cousin (_) Mother (_) Father (_) Son (_) Daughter (_) Pet
Number of children living in household: ___ Number that are yours: ___
Mother's Name: ____________ Father's Name:___________ (If not sure, leave blank)
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)
___ Total number of vehicles you own ___ Number of vehicles that still crank ___ Number of vehicles in front yard ___ Number of vehicles in back yard ___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks
Firearms you own and where you keep them: ____ truck ____ bedroom ____ bathroom ____ kitchen ____ shed
Model and year of your pickup: ___________194_
Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to: (_)The National Enquirer (_)The Globe (_)TV Guide (_)Soap Opera Digest
___ Number of times you've seen a UFO ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO
How often do you bathe: (_)Weekly (_)Monthly (_)Not Applicable
Color of teeth: (_)Yellow (_)Brownish-Yellow (_)Brown (_)Black (_)N/A
Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: (_)Red-Man
How far is your home from a paved road? (_)1 mile (_)2 miles (_)don't know
Future Workman's Comp Claim?...
"Alleged thief stuck under trash bin for 12 hours "
Check out the photo that accompanies this article from Yahoo News. A classic!
It's a redneck day here at Tittybits I suppose, ha ha ha.
I love the quote at the end of this masterpiece, "It was right disgusting," he said. "I wouldn't be under there." I can only agree 100% with that statement. Can you imagine what kind of critters and yuck reside under those damn bins? There has got to be traces of shit, piss and vomit down there and I'm not talking about your favorite hooker's panties either! Makes me totally nauseous, so gross...
So the guy was under there at least 12 hours for about $10.00 worth of copper. That works out to roughly $.83 an hour. And with the severe "working conditions", it hardly seems like the job was worth the effort. Perhaps a career change to, oh, let's say, picking cans and bottles off the sides of the highway or from supermarket dumpsters would be in order. It certainly would be at least a lateral move if not a step up from face down garbage munching.
And what in the hell is that green shit on the bottoms of his shoes? The answer may be something that I really don't want to know but the mystery will surely keep my mind occupied for the next few minutes anyway.
Some more redneck jokes for your pleasure (come on, I know you like these):
Q: How do you know the toothbrush was invented by a redneck?
A: Because it would have been named a teethbrush if someone else had.
Q: What do you call a bunch of tractors parked in front of a McDonald's on Friday night in Iowa?
A: Prom.
Check out the photo that accompanies this article from Yahoo News. A classic!
It's a redneck day here at Tittybits I suppose, ha ha ha.
I love the quote at the end of this masterpiece, "It was right disgusting," he said. "I wouldn't be under there." I can only agree 100% with that statement. Can you imagine what kind of critters and yuck reside under those damn bins? There has got to be traces of shit, piss and vomit down there and I'm not talking about your favorite hooker's panties either! Makes me totally nauseous, so gross...
So the guy was under there at least 12 hours for about $10.00 worth of copper. That works out to roughly $.83 an hour. And with the severe "working conditions", it hardly seems like the job was worth the effort. Perhaps a career change to, oh, let's say, picking cans and bottles off the sides of the highway or from supermarket dumpsters would be in order. It certainly would be at least a lateral move if not a step up from face down garbage munching.
And what in the hell is that green shit on the bottoms of his shoes? The answer may be something that I really don't want to know but the mystery will surely keep my mind occupied for the next few minutes anyway.
Some more redneck jokes for your pleasure (come on, I know you like these):
Q: How do you know the toothbrush was invented by a redneck?
A: Because it would have been named a teethbrush if someone else had.
Q: What do you call a bunch of tractors parked in front of a McDonald's on Friday night in Iowa?
A: Prom.
Momma, Daddy Dun Blow'd Up...
"Conway Man Dies Tampering With Electric Meter"
I guess that was a bad idea...
This story just screams redneck from head to toe:
Exhibit A: The name of the "victim" Lonnie Montgomery. The only way this would have been any better is if his name had "Jr." attached.
Exhibit B: The scene of the crime, Skunk Hollow Road. This name is pure gold! Reminds me of that Sissy Spacek movie "The Coal Miner's Daughter". They lived down in the "holler".
Exhibit C: The use of jumper cables to power your trailer. Well I can't be quite sure that it was a trailer but I do have to give him the benefit of the doubt. I digress...Who else would have the ingenuity and sheer genius intellect to think that a pair of jumper cables would be sufficient in directing massive electrical current into your home from a meter box? Sure, there are a lot of non-hillbillies out there who would do the same thing BUT would they still be clutching the damn thing till the very end I ask you? No, I didn't think so...
Here are a few redneck jokes that I came across recently:
Q: What do you call 32 Rednecks in one room?
A: A full set of teeth.
Q: What has 132 legs and 8 teeth?
A: The front row of a Garth Brooks concert!
A Letter From A Redneck Mother To Her Son:
Dear Son,
I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved. Won't be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here took the numbers with them for their house, so they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seen 'em since.
It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the second time.
The coat you wanted me to send to you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
We got a bill from the funeral home, and it said if we didn't make the final payment on Grandma's funeral bill, up she comes.
About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether if it is a boy or a girl so don't know if you are an Aunt or Uncle.
Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to get him out, but he fought them off playfully, so he drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup. One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. The other 2 drowned. They couldn't get the tail gate down.
Not much more news this time. Nothing much happened. If you don't get this letter, please let me know and I will send another one.
Love, Ma
I guess that was a bad idea...
This story just screams redneck from head to toe:
Exhibit A: The name of the "victim" Lonnie Montgomery. The only way this would have been any better is if his name had "Jr." attached.
Exhibit B: The scene of the crime, Skunk Hollow Road. This name is pure gold! Reminds me of that Sissy Spacek movie "The Coal Miner's Daughter". They lived down in the "holler".
Exhibit C: The use of jumper cables to power your trailer. Well I can't be quite sure that it was a trailer but I do have to give him the benefit of the doubt. I digress...Who else would have the ingenuity and sheer genius intellect to think that a pair of jumper cables would be sufficient in directing massive electrical current into your home from a meter box? Sure, there are a lot of non-hillbillies out there who would do the same thing BUT would they still be clutching the damn thing till the very end I ask you? No, I didn't think so...
Here are a few redneck jokes that I came across recently:
Q: What do you call 32 Rednecks in one room?
A: A full set of teeth.
Q: What has 132 legs and 8 teeth?
A: The front row of a Garth Brooks concert!
A Letter From A Redneck Mother To Her Son:
Dear Son,
I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved. Won't be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here took the numbers with them for their house, so they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seen 'em since.
It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the second time.
The coat you wanted me to send to you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
We got a bill from the funeral home, and it said if we didn't make the final payment on Grandma's funeral bill, up she comes.
About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether if it is a boy or a girl so don't know if you are an Aunt or Uncle.
Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to get him out, but he fought them off playfully, so he drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup. One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. The other 2 drowned. They couldn't get the tail gate down.
Not much more news this time. Nothing much happened. If you don't get this letter, please let me know and I will send another one.
Love, Ma
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Update...Damn, That's An Ugly Bird (Shots Fired)...
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Ah, The Good Old Days...
"Top 25 Biggest Product Flops of All Time"
This was actually a fun article to look through on WalletPop.
Ah, the good old days when they didn't give a shit what they marketed, as long as it made money. I must admit I did recognize some of these products such as "New Coke", "Crystal Pepsi" , The Edsel and DeLorean automobiles but some of this crap was just plain retarded...
For instance, the pet water that came in Crispy Beef or Tangy Fish flavors. I don't know about you, but I don't think I would want to have fish stink dropped all over the floor after my pugs bury their heads into the water bowl. Since they have that "smashed in face" look, they have to practically dip their heads into the water bowl like they are bobbing for apples when they drink. This of course allows them to drip water all over the place afterward. I guess it would also leave their face smelling fishy as well. Gross. Bad idea.
Kellogg's Breakfast mates...I remember seeing this commercial on TV a few times and I always thought that it was fucking gross. As the article indicates, the thought of warm milk was too much for me to handle. Especially milk that was already in the bowl with the cereal. Was it mushy? I had no idea. Anything that was in a liquid and stayed crunchy was not appealing and I cringed at the thought of what it would do to my stomach. Or my asshole for that matter as I would eventually have to evacuate it. Oh Lord, TMI...
Earring Magic Ken. He does look WAY gay but I think it would actually sell these days. It looks a lot like. Besides any self respecting fashionista needs a queen to tell her what not and what to wear...
Touch of Yogurt Shampoo. Sounds totally nasty. It even looks nasty. It seems like they will try anything to see if it sells. Remember Body on Tap Shampoo (thanks to Twitchery on Flickr)? That shampoo with the beer in it? Hey, that actually was good stuff. I remember my mom buying that back in the 70's...
McDonald's Arch Deluxe. I actually liked that sandwich. I always wondered where that went. And what ever happened to the McRib? Hmmm...
So, I wonder what products that are out there today are going to show up on a list like this in about 10-20 years?
This was actually a fun article to look through on WalletPop.
Ah, the good old days when they didn't give a shit what they marketed, as long as it made money. I must admit I did recognize some of these products such as "New Coke", "Crystal Pepsi" , The Edsel and DeLorean automobiles but some of this crap was just plain retarded...
For instance, the pet water that came in Crispy Beef or Tangy Fish flavors. I don't know about you, but I don't think I would want to have fish stink dropped all over the floor after my pugs bury their heads into the water bowl. Since they have that "smashed in face" look, they have to practically dip their heads into the water bowl like they are bobbing for apples when they drink. This of course allows them to drip water all over the place afterward. I guess it would also leave their face smelling fishy as well. Gross. Bad idea.
Kellogg's Breakfast mates...I remember seeing this commercial on TV a few times and I always thought that it was fucking gross. As the article indicates, the thought of warm milk was too much for me to handle. Especially milk that was already in the bowl with the cereal. Was it mushy? I had no idea. Anything that was in a liquid and stayed crunchy was not appealing and I cringed at the thought of what it would do to my stomach. Or my asshole for that matter as I would eventually have to evacuate it. Oh Lord, TMI...
Earring Magic Ken. He does look WAY gay but I think it would actually sell these days. It looks a lot like
Touch of Yogurt Shampoo. Sounds totally nasty. It even looks nasty. It seems like they will try anything to see if it sells. Remember Body on Tap Shampoo (thanks to Twitchery on Flickr)? That shampoo with the beer in it? Hey, that actually was good stuff. I remember my mom buying that back in the 70's...
McDonald's Arch Deluxe. I actually liked that sandwich. I always wondered where that went. And what ever happened to the McRib? Hmmm...
So, I wonder what products that are out there today are going to show up on a list like this in about 10-20 years?
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
How Do You Say...Stupid...
"Wiccan Accidentally Stabs Herself in Foot With Sword During Good Luck Ritual"
Dumbass...
Looks like her luck finally ran out...
Dumbass...
Looks like her luck finally ran out...
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Gee Ricky, I'm Sorry Your Mom Blew Up (Lane Myers - Better Off Dead)...
"Man blows up apartment spraying for bugs"
This truly is tragic...and ridiculously funny!
LOL! Hilarious. If this was me, I would have shit my pants when the explosion happened. He must have sprayed into the pilot light of the stove. I think an explosion can happen when the fridge starts up on the cooling cycle as well. He may have been spraying at that unfortunate time. He even smoked out his neighbors! Hopefully they weren't doing anything naughty when the fire engines arrived...
That's why I always say that you have to keep your apartment clean. Food crumbs and spilt sugary liquids are an open invitation to critters to come in and enjoy the free buffet.
This reminds me of the flaming mouse that burned down that old bag's house in New Mexico! That was definitely a case of instant karma if there ever was one.
This truly is tragic...and ridiculously funny!
LOL! Hilarious. If this was me, I would have shit my pants when the explosion happened. He must have sprayed into the pilot light of the stove. I think an explosion can happen when the fridge starts up on the cooling cycle as well. He may have been spraying at that unfortunate time. He even smoked out his neighbors! Hopefully they weren't doing anything naughty when the fire engines arrived...
That's why I always say that you have to keep your apartment clean. Food crumbs and spilt sugary liquids are an open invitation to critters to come in and enjoy the free buffet.
This reminds me of the flaming mouse that burned down that old bag's house in New Mexico! That was definitely a case of instant karma if there ever was one.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Who Ordered The Microwaveable Rat In A Bag Special?...
"Wisconsin Woman Accused of Planting Dead Rat in Own Food"
What a nutcase...
Everyone knows that if your are going to plant a rodent in your food, you sure as hell better use a field mouse and not a white lab right you stupid idiot!
I think that her punishment should be to actually eat the rat, tail and all, exactly as she had planted it in her food. Maybe we could televise it also or simply make a new reality show about extortionist crime or stupid criminals in which the punishments are dealt out before a live studio audience. Probably be better than most of the dreck that's out there now...
What a nutcase...
Everyone knows that if your are going to plant a rodent in your food, you sure as hell better use a field mouse and not a white lab right you stupid idiot!
I think that her punishment should be to actually eat the rat, tail and all, exactly as she had planted it in her food. Maybe we could televise it also or simply make a new reality show about extortionist crime or stupid criminals in which the punishments are dealt out before a live studio audience. Probably be better than most of the dreck that's out there now...
Monday, July 14, 2008
Who Knew...
Who knew the worst toilet in a row of restroom stalls was the middle seat!
I guess I need to remember to use the other toilets in a bathroom other than the one in the middle. Interesting, I wish the article said why. It's kind of funny to me as the last toilet in a row seems to be the busiest, at least in restrooms that I have been in...
Afterthought: (that last line just sounded wrong after reading this again!)
I guess I need to remember to use the other toilets in a bathroom other than the one in the middle. Interesting, I wish the article said why. It's kind of funny to me as the last toilet in a row seems to be the busiest, at least in restrooms that I have been in...
Afterthought: (that last line just sounded wrong after reading this again!)
Needed To Be Said...
"Woah 'Mamma' ... Gay Crowd Snubbed?"
Totally ridiculous...
Alright, something has to be said about this crap.
I AM SO TIRED of people shoving gayness up in everyone's face. This doesn't make you any less of a human or better of one.
I AM SO TIRED of non-gay people threatening to kill the gays because they can't get married. Just let gays get married and they'll most likely shut the fuck up. What do you care anyway? Is there some secret list of marriages that you are keeping in your well fortified safe that you have to keep tabs on? Are you trying to save the planet by not having as many flowers slashed down because of an overflow of weddings that may or may not happen? Does the fact that the little grooms and brides that go on top of a cake will now have to be sold separately bother you?
I AM SO TIRED every time something such as this "snub" happens it's because "we're gay". No, it's not because you are gay but if you keep this shit up, it will be. Nobody likes to go to parties where the hosts are crybaby assholes. Just keep that in mind...
HELLO! The damn movie isn't even gay themed! Just because us fags like ABBA and that the music of ABBA just happens to be the tie throughout a movie doesn't mean that said movie is automatically "gay"! Get a life fellow faggots.
Sometimes I feel embarrassed of the gay community because we get caught up in such ridiculous drama. So the people didn't show up to the opening. WHO THE HELL CARES! Maybe they didn't feel like working that day. Have you ever woke up and said, "Oh screw it, I'm calling out today."? We have all done it at some point in life and who are we to judge someone else for doing the same thing?
Get over it and move on...
Totally ridiculous...
Alright, something has to be said about this crap.
I AM SO TIRED of people shoving gayness up in everyone's face. This doesn't make you any less of a human or better of one.
I AM SO TIRED of non-gay people threatening to kill the gays because they can't get married. Just let gays get married and they'll most likely shut the fuck up. What do you care anyway? Is there some secret list of marriages that you are keeping in your well fortified safe that you have to keep tabs on? Are you trying to save the planet by not having as many flowers slashed down because of an overflow of weddings that may or may not happen? Does the fact that the little grooms and brides that go on top of a cake will now have to be sold separately bother you?
I AM SO TIRED every time something such as this "snub" happens it's because "we're gay". No, it's not because you are gay but if you keep this shit up, it will be. Nobody likes to go to parties where the hosts are crybaby assholes. Just keep that in mind...
HELLO! The damn movie isn't even gay themed! Just because us fags like ABBA and that the music of ABBA just happens to be the tie throughout a movie doesn't mean that said movie is automatically "gay"! Get a life fellow faggots.
Sometimes I feel embarrassed of the gay community because we get caught up in such ridiculous drama. So the people didn't show up to the opening. WHO THE HELL CARES! Maybe they didn't feel like working that day. Have you ever woke up and said, "Oh screw it, I'm calling out today."? We have all done it at some point in life and who are we to judge someone else for doing the same thing?
Get over it and move on...
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Monday, June 30, 2008
They Even Misspelled His Name...
"City Vehicles Painted with Anti-Obama Sayings "
Some people are so ghetto...and stupid for that matter...
Ahh, Florida. One of my favorite places. The weather is awesome and the beaches are great. The only bad thing is that there are serious rednecks there. As much as I can't stand Obama and feel he is another mistake this country will make, I do feel that damaging someone else's property with graffiti is fucked up.
Even though I seriously DO NOT condone violence of this magnitude, I do believe that someone is going to off this guy if he wins the White House. He better have Hillary as a VP, because honestly, I wouldn't want to get stuck with a no-name all of a sudden running the country. It's bad enough he might be in there.
Some people are so ghetto...and stupid for that matter...
Ahh, Florida. One of my favorite places. The weather is awesome and the beaches are great. The only bad thing is that there are serious rednecks there. As much as I can't stand Obama and feel he is another mistake this country will make, I do feel that damaging someone else's property with graffiti is fucked up.
Even though I seriously DO NOT condone violence of this magnitude, I do believe that someone is going to off this guy if he wins the White House. He better have Hillary as a VP, because honestly, I wouldn't want to get stuck with a no-name all of a sudden running the country. It's bad enough he might be in there.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Insert Midget Joke Here...
"Young Runaway's Alleged Dwarf Pimp To Face Judge"
Sister of Mini-Me on the loose...
LOL! Damn, this little ho had it all worked out! I love the person that gave the interview that said, "I didn't know she was a pimp, but I'm not surprised." You know she was a hardcore rival of that munchkin in the housing project world of prostitution. She probably had a few runaways locked in the closet somewhere herself.
Seriously, how do you let some 3 foot 9 inch chick intimidate you? Even at 15 years old I wouldn't have been afraid to at the very least kick the damn thing and run. And what's with those prices? $100.00 for a blow job? What? Did she have fucking magic lips? I actually can't even think of a situation where I would pay for a blow job let alone give out a Benjamin for one...
After reading this article, I totally envisioned that the mini-pimp resembled Chucky from the child's play movies...
Sister of Mini-Me on the loose...
LOL! Damn, this little ho had it all worked out! I love the person that gave the interview that said, "I didn't know she was a pimp, but I'm not surprised." You know she was a hardcore rival of that munchkin in the housing project world of prostitution. She probably had a few runaways locked in the closet somewhere herself.
Seriously, how do you let some 3 foot 9 inch chick intimidate you? Even at 15 years old I wouldn't have been afraid to at the very least kick the damn thing and run. And what's with those prices? $100.00 for a blow job? What? Did she have fucking magic lips? I actually can't even think of a situation where I would pay for a blow job let alone give out a Benjamin for one...
After reading this article, I totally envisioned that the mini-pimp resembled Chucky from the child's play movies...
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