And Some People Think I Am Disturbed...

After reading this article, I can truly say that I am grossed out beyond grossed out. It's bad enough to have sex with a dead body but to have sex with one that was pregnant and one with her head dangling off is what REALLY horrifies me.

Actually, I'm curious to see what this degenerate looks like. Thanks for not posting a picture Cincinnati.com! Now, I'll spend my lunch looking for his mugshot due to my sick sense of curiosity...

I'll Have The Fish Balls, Hold the Mayo Please...

"Poisonous Fish Testicles Send 7 Japanese Diners to Hospital"

People eat fish balls?

It intrigues me to think that someone actually sat there and thought out the removal and preparation of blowfish testicles. And with the added bonus of having people pay for it...I'm pretty sure this guy was a sadist.

I actually don't feel sorry for these donuts that got sick. As my great granny used to say "If you put rotten balls in your mouth, you're gonna get sick." Actually, she would never say that but it sounds like good advice for more than one situation...

101 Uses For A Vacuum...

"Swan Creek Township, Michigan, man jailed for activity at car wash"

There are a couple troubling tidbits that were left out of this story:

1) Had the vacuum reached age of consent before providing sexual favors to the 29 year old horndog?

2) Will the 911 call be released to the public in which a concerned caller rats out the perpetrator. I think there may be a little bit of jealousy going on here. Could this possibly be a love triangle gone bad?

3) Was the police officer wearing Green Bay Cheesehead slippers so as to not be heard whilst stalking the alleged criminal?

Actually, I think the most disturbing thing about this is that someone actually got up at 6 am and went to go and vacuum their car. WTF?

On the plus side, he did actually save some money. You'd think a professional would have charged him around $30.00 for the knob job and the vacuum was only about $1.50. This tough economy is hitting us all where it hurts...

My First Time...

So...I think that I saw my first prolapsed ass the other night at the gym. I have previously spoken of the Creepy Old Guys at the gym who mysteriously appear in the locker room walking around naked.

They really have no business there as they aren't using the cardio equipment, weight lifting equipment, pool or sauna. They are JUST THERE. Anyway, I digress...Well the other night, one of these blue hairs was walking in this strange sort of awkward shuffle. He wasn't lifting his feet off the floor, just scooting them forward as he "walked", or hobbled if you will. Anyway, he was naked, of course, and as he rounded the corner ever so slowly I happened to look at his ass and saw what looked like his butthole hanging down below his ass cheeks. It was, in the utmost sincerity, one of the most disgusting things I have seen in a long while.

I am still scarred mentally I fear and now am really turned off to the fact that every time I enter that den of horror (the locker room) these crusty looking creatures are going to be there lurking. What's worse is that they sit on the benches in that locker room naked, and if they have these appendages, which almost look like the creatures from Aliens, birthing out of their rectums...Yuck, I can't even finish that sentence but you know what I'm getting at.

I am seriously wondering what can be done about these weirdos in the locker room...It's so gross.

Where's The Can Of Oust When You Need It?...

"Man Passes Gas, Charged with Battery on Officer"

These cops have the worst job I tell you. They deserve every penny they make. Well, at least the good ones do. The corrupt cops can go and fuck themselves.

One line in this news story makes the whole thing a classic:

"The investigating officer remarked in the criminal complaint that the odor was very strong."

Well, I would think so. The guy was totally drunk. I ask all of you this, "Have you ever smelt a beer keg fart?"

Case closed.

Creepy Old Guys...

I would like to know why there are always old creepy guys haunting the locker rooms at gyms?

I go to a certain gym which will remain nameless (rhymes with Bally's) and there are always these crusty old men walking around naked in the locker room. They are usually wet and have no towel in plain site. They almost remind me of those soggy rats you see on made for television horror movies running around city sewer systems after some apocalyptic catastrophe.

Sometimes they are "drying" themselves off with the wall unit air dryers made for your hands. I saw a very wrinkly fellow a few days ago pulling his ass cheeks apart and placing said ass in the airflow of the dryer. Not a pretty sight by any means. He turns around and is combing out his white pubic hair with his fingers in the airflow as well. Wouldn't it be more sanitary to use a towel. Sanitary for me? Like I want to go and use that dryer after this old guy put his fingers in his ass crack and through his pubes all the while adjusting the nozzle on the dryer and pushing the big chrome button to turn it on. I don't want my hand touching that thing after all that.

I always feel like I should say something but don't want to cause a scene. The funny thing is you never see these guys working out. They are just there in the locker room...naked...

Stinkbomb Takes It Up A Notch...

So...I have been telling you about the disgusting creature I call "Stinkbomb" who is always in Au Bon Pain in the mornings, right? Well today he really outdid himself. He must have been inspired by the Olympics because he went for the gold today, or the "brown" in his case (that's foreshadowing for all you not in the know...).

Well, I walk in and immediately am hit with the stench of body cheese and unwashed hair. I look to my left and surprise surprise, it's that pig Stinkbomb. The smell today was even more ripe than usual and as I headed for the coffee making station 2 women come in and rather loudly say "God, it stinks in here". I politely informed then that they had just walked past the culprit and they both turned and looked in disgust at the disheveled bastard reading the USA Today by the window. The one lady comments that she thought it was food gone bad; I laugh.

I finish making my coffee (6 sugars and light cream), pick up my poppy seed bagel and head to the counter to check out. As my bagel is toasting I notice that SB has this weird look on his face and gets up really quick, grabs his bag and literally runs to the bathroom. As he speeds past me I get the ungodly whiff of the most putrid odor wafting through the air. It is then that I realize that he must have just shit his pants...right there in the cafe...in front of everyone...on the chair...The place smelled like someone just changed 500 dirty diapers on a table in the middle of all the hustle and bustle. The manager was making a sandwich and must have smelt the aroma because he looks up really fast to see the bathroom door swing shut and grimaces. I grab my now toasted bagel and get the fuck out of Dodge.

Thank God tomorrow is our last day in this building...

Not Tonight Honey, My Head Hurts...

"Man Beheads Girlfriend in Greece, Fled in Patrol Car"

Good grief, how many of these beheadings are going to pop up now? First this one and now another?

Who knew that it was such a popular method in which to murder and violate your victim's body. I would have thought a simple shooting or poisoning with deadly nightshade would suffice. Apparently, that is much too gauche for these individuals. At least each one put their own spin on the deadly affair. The Canadian bus rider thought it would be fun to eat his victim right there in the aisle while the Greek guy beheaded the dog as well and then threw his girlfriends' head in a patrol car and went for a nice Sunday stroll through the city running over motorcyclists to boot.

On a sick note, I found the last line of this FOX News story: "As the police fired at Arvanitis to stop him, a stray bullet hit a woman bystander, injuring her slightly, police said. ", completely hilarious. Talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time. This would totally be my luck. Getting struck by a stray bullet that was meant for a psychotic head chopping NASCAR reject.

Thinking about this mode of, shall we say, elimination, I would think it's probably not the best way to handle things. Not to get gross or anything because I am a VERY PROPER type (cough), I think it would be entirely too messy for my taste. In my case, I'd probably want to kill MYSELF halfway through the deed from being sick to my stomach. Disgusting...

Hopefully, this is the last of the head severing we'll hear about, for awhile at least...

Think Of This The Next Time You Eat Octopus!...

"'Beast' Man Jailed for Possessing 31,000 Animal Porn Images"

This is a little unsettling...

Well, it's a little unsettling because I've basically seen images of everything but the tiger myself. Most of this shit comes out of Japan! They really like their animal and scat porn over there.

Ewww, the internet is a dirty little world I tell ya, LOL...

Daddy, Not Tonight I Have Tooth Ache From My Pacifier...

"World's Greatest Dad' Arrested As Predator"

How gross to find out your dad or husband was doing this behind your back...

LOL! Nothing like having your professionally taken picture plastered all over the place with that shirt on for a child sex sting. I'm sure his whole neighborhood is now checking email and phone records of their chillin's.

When are these assholes going to realize that YOU DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH KIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO, NEVER, NO WAY!!!!

Lindsey Lohan In About 30 Years...

"Stripper, 80, still taking her clothes off"

Ewwww...

After seeing those hands of hers, I thank the powers that be and the online editor for not showing us the Full Monty in this article...

If This Cardboard Box Is A Rockin'...

"Report: Gloucester Teens Had Pact To Get Pregnant"

Stupid pregnant teens irk me. There's just something sad about a girl who doesn't have the brains or will power to keep her legs crossed...

Are you kidding me? Seriously, what a bunch of morons to even think this was anywhere in the vicinity of a good idea. Our country is totally going to hell and it's starting to really become a contest among the millions of idiots out there as to who can become the next outrageous headline. Like this:

"We found out one of the fathers is a 24-year-old homeless guy," he told Time.

LOL! Where are all the parenting skills in this country. People need to start taking control over their kids, start beating their kids asses more often and stop letting them run fucking amok...

My Toilet Is Backed Up, Can I Use You?...

"The tape's not a fake, R. Kelly jury hears"

Pedophile

This gross child rapist will do and say anything to get off, literally.

The conspiracy theories abound on the part of the defense in this case. First they were trying to say that it's not him because R. Kelly has a mole on his back and the perv in the video doesn't have one. Now they are saying that it's all computer generated to make it look like him. What is this? A bad episode of fucking Law and Order? Why doesn't the prosecution say that maybe the mole was removed by special effects editing? That would be interesting. And seriously, we're talking 10 years ago at the very least. For someone to have access to those kinds of editing programs back then would have cost a fortune and take so much time. I doubt anyone would have the resources or the drive to do that.

I truly hope that they convict this pig. He even pisses on the girl at the end of the video. So nasty...

My Gag Reflex Still Works...

Why is it that people still refuse to take a fucking bath before they venture out into the workplace? I'm not talking about the occasional time or if you had taken a shower the night before. No, I'm talking about these stink bombs who are literally on strike from the shampoo bottle and pollute the delicate air that I breathe.

I say this, as I was hit by a cloud of funk while venturing into A Bunch of Pain (Au Bon Pain for those not ITK). My morning ritual consists of logging into my computer, setting up my Ipod for a day of (hopefully) uninterrupted podcast listening and going down to A Bunch of Pain for a bagel, coffee and a large cup of ice for my daily water intake. It seems as though a totally nasty interloper has invaded the area as of late and insists on camping out at a table near the door. Normally, I wouldn't pay much attention to this but if it weren't for the fact that you are immediately accosted by this stench of what seems to be a combination of B.O., grease from unwashed hair and probably bad personal hygiene after waste evacuation.

The guy is obviously in the computer tech field as he has a pocket protector (yes they still make those) and just gives that nerd vibe off hardcore. My question is simply this: Why the fuck have they not pulled this guy aside and coached him on the proper usage of soap and water? I would totally be unable to sit in the vicinity of this person and actually be expected to work. The weather has turned warm and I can only imagine the fog of vapors that surrounds his work station. It's almost like Pigpen from the Peanuts Gang and his dust cloud. IT IS THAT BAD, seriously.

If there is one piece of advise that I can give to you it's simply this: Wash your ass and your clothes regularly...

Is That An Elephant Dick In Your Pocket?...

"Icelandic museum offers long and short of male organ"

http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSN1519887520080515?feedType=RSS&feedName=oddlyEnoughNews&rpc=22&sp=true

Most of these Hoo-hoo's look like something out of the movie "Aliens". All spirally and shit...gross. The whale penis is totally disgusting, it looks like the front end of a mounted tank gun. I wonder if the 2mm hamster dong is considered "huge" in the rodent world? Maybe he was the John Holmes of the pet store hamster community?

I don't know if I'd want to see some 90 year old dried up and stuffed human dick. I think at that point it's probably best to just retire the damn thing and let it rest in peace...far away from my virgin eyes...

Yum...

"Fast-Food Workers Spit In Customer Drinks"

http://www.local6.com/spotlight/16252770/detail.html

I think the punishment for these chick should be to eat a hamburger that the customer rubbed between their ass lips. I love Sonic but now I will think twice before I order that Ocean Water or Cherry Lime-Aid! Then again, maybe the customer was a total douche over that little speaker phone and ordered something complicated like a Coney with no cheese. I would have expected this from a KFC but not from a Sonic!...