And Some People Think I Am Disturbed...

After reading this article, I can truly say that I am grossed out beyond grossed out. It's bad enough to have sex with a dead body but to have sex with one that was pregnant and one with her head dangling off is what REALLY horrifies me.

Actually, I'm curious to see what this degenerate looks like. Thanks for not posting a picture Cincinnati.com! Now, I'll spend my lunch looking for his mugshot due to my sick sense of curiosity...

Starbucks...Or Is It?...

So, I recently found an old gift card for Starbucks given to me back in the day. I figured since there is a "Starbucks" located in our office building, I can use it there and was mildly pleased as this would save me the $2.50 I would normally spend on coffee every morning. Low and Behold, I am made aware that I can not use my Starbucks gift card at the Starbucks because it really isn't a Starbucks. Never mind that EVERY sign in the damn place says it's a Starbucks it really isn't. Even though the cups and coffee say "Starbucks" on them, it really isn't a Starbucks.

What kind of BS is this? What next? Every McDonald's is not really going to be a McDonald's. Ronald isn't really Ronald, he's really Fred McDonald but we call him Ronald anyway? To make a long story short I ended up paying $2.50 for my coffee this morning...

I Hope It Was Trans-Fat Free Oil...

"Cosmetic surgery addict injected cooking oil into her own face"

This chick is probably one of the most pathetic creatures on the face of the earth.

So...is there anyone out there that would agree her rational for using her head as a pin cushion was: a) logical b) practical c) a sign that Obamamania has gotten out of control?

Looking at her pictures, it's hard to fault her for wanting to puff out her fucking face because it looks like a deflated balloon now that they let all the air out. I would think that by the time my face started rebelling against the surgeon's knife I would have thought twice about going back and said, "That's a wrap".

I believe this is a real disorder where people have addictions to plastic surgery. Another famous case that comes to mind besides the alien known as Michael Jackson is Jocelyne Wildenstein, or "Bride of Wildenstein" or "Wildebeast" as she is more commonly known as. Everytime I see her picture, I think of Rocky Dennis from the movie "Mask" starring the also afflicted Cher. Small world...

My Have Times Changed...

"California Girl, 8, Found Hanged From Bunk Bed "

The only thing I find disturbing about this article is the fact that the girl had a cell phone and a computer and a door that she was able to lock.

HELLO! Where is the parental guidance here? I know that she lived with her grandmother but that shouldn't cloud the fact that she was totally WAY TOO young to be in possession of these devices. Who the hell was she text messaging anyway? I assume her internet use was not monitored either. This is really sad.

When I was eight we were playing Star Wars in the back yard with sticks as light sabers and old pillow cases as capes. We were not thinking of suicide...

Shady...

"Ohio Homeless Driven to Polls to Vote Obama"

I suspected something like this (here also) was going on during the primaries, as I found it highly coincidental that Obama won every single caucus. Shady...

Some more shade:

Ex-generals cry foul over pro-Obama video

CHICAGO: Prosecutors seek to delay sentencing for Chicago money man, suggesting felon linked to Barack Obama has secrets to share.

Jerome Corsi, anti-Obama author, detained in Kenya

My First Time...

So...I think that I saw my first prolapsed ass the other night at the gym. I have previously spoken of the Creepy Old Guys at the gym who mysteriously appear in the locker room walking around naked.

They really have no business there as they aren't using the cardio equipment, weight lifting equipment, pool or sauna. They are JUST THERE. Anyway, I digress...Well the other night, one of these blue hairs was walking in this strange sort of awkward shuffle. He wasn't lifting his feet off the floor, just scooting them forward as he "walked", or hobbled if you will. Anyway, he was naked, of course, and as he rounded the corner ever so slowly I happened to look at his ass and saw what looked like his butthole hanging down below his ass cheeks. It was, in the utmost sincerity, one of the most disgusting things I have seen in a long while.

I am still scarred mentally I fear and now am really turned off to the fact that every time I enter that den of horror (the locker room) these crusty looking creatures are going to be there lurking. What's worse is that they sit on the benches in that locker room naked, and if they have these appendages, which almost look like the creatures from Aliens, birthing out of their rectums...Yuck, I can't even finish that sentence but you know what I'm getting at.

I am seriously wondering what can be done about these weirdos in the locker room...It's so gross.

Sheniqua, Go And Get Me A Popsicle...

"Mom tells cops icy bodies in freezer are her kids"

Damn, remind me not to ask this psycho to babysit my pugs in the near future!

I must admit, this is a great way to deter childhood rebellions. Just tell them the story of the freezer fairy and I'm sure they will end up eating their veggies and cleaning their rooms...

She kind of looks like the love child of Jabba the Hut and Krusty the clown from the Simpsons with that weave on her head.

Just a question: How does one choose the proper shoe for a beating? Do I go with the steel-toed or the hard-heeled? Or can I use both? And when is it appropriate to involve the cord around the neck or is that for the more advanced course?

I can only imagine how the shit got on her shirt. I like the cut of her jibe though, jumping out of the window all Texas Chainsaw Massacre style and running for the hills. Totally disturbing...

Hang These Bastards...

So, reading today's news articles I have got one thing to say: Any fucking creepy slimeball that fucks kids needs to die. End of story. These bastards are fucking gross, like:

This pig. He thinks consent is puberty and the Bible mandates him to diddle little girls.

This police officer thinks it's okay to barter sex with little girls through their mothers on the internet.

This loser kept a 13 year old girl as a sex slave in his MOTOR HOME and raped her every single day.

This perv used to give free molestations with the tennis lessons he provided.

And the sad thing is the list goes on...

The Shit Hits The Fan...

So...It seems that not only is there a thief running around our building stealing shit from others (yesterday someone's lunch was stolen out of the God damn microwave if you can believe that. Add it to the list: My ring, bottles of orange juice, items off of a person's desk) now there is a renegade toilet non-flusher/vandal.

I go into the men's room to relieve myself and just happen to walk into a stall that someone obviously had been in recently - as there was a huge turd circling the calm waters of the porcelain God. But wait! It gets better...This was no ordinary log, no, this one had (cue mystery sound effects: "dun dun dun!")...hair growing out of it! Yes, that's right, it was a fucking hairy ass brown loaf, right there in the toilet! I was so grossed out I came right back to my desk and grabbed my phone so I could take a picture of this raunchy site. I am debating whether to add this photo to the post as it would certainly ruin my reputation of high brow material but then again...

This left me thinking, how does one get their shit to grow hair, literally? Several theories abound here in the office (you think I would keep this discovery to myself? Please...). Maybe they like to eat their own hair? Maybe it's an underdeveloped twin that was living inside their colon and was expelled. Maybe it's some type of voodoo ritual? Whatever the case, it's large and mean looking. I just think that judging by the size of the damn thing the owner didn't have the heart to flush it. I'm sure they were in labor for quite a spell and then realized that the act of flushing this being, especially since it had hair, would be too much to bear so they unleashed it upon the next unsuspecting sap who walked in. Unfortunately that had to be me...

Beware The Wind And Don't Go Swimming!

"'Bangkok' Wins Box Office Without a Bang"

Ummm, what the hell???

Can anyone please tell me what the hell is happening on top of this man's head lately? It seems that every movie he has made in the past few years has him wearing a horrible wig or has his hair dyed this unnatural shade of black/blonde/blue/red/green (take your pick).

I have said this a thousand times and I will say it again: MEN, if your fucking hair is falling out or thinning - JUST SHAVE YOUR HEAD OR GO BALD. KEEP IT SHORT!

If you wear a toupee/wig/rug, whatever, you are going to be noticed, immediately. I can tell a rug from a mile away - AND I WILL STARE AT IT. I can't help it. It looks fucking ridiculous!

If you get hair plugs, I can also tell. They look even worse! Just accept your fate and at the very least, shave your head if it is that disturbing to you. Stop this madness people!

Creepy Old Guys...

I would like to know why there are always old creepy guys haunting the locker rooms at gyms?

I go to a certain gym which will remain nameless (rhymes with Bally's) and there are always these crusty old men walking around naked in the locker room. They are usually wet and have no towel in plain site. They almost remind me of those soggy rats you see on made for television horror movies running around city sewer systems after some apocalyptic catastrophe.

Sometimes they are "drying" themselves off with the wall unit air dryers made for your hands. I saw a very wrinkly fellow a few days ago pulling his ass cheeks apart and placing said ass in the airflow of the dryer. Not a pretty sight by any means. He turns around and is combing out his white pubic hair with his fingers in the airflow as well. Wouldn't it be more sanitary to use a towel. Sanitary for me? Like I want to go and use that dryer after this old guy put his fingers in his ass crack and through his pubes all the while adjusting the nozzle on the dryer and pushing the big chrome button to turn it on. I don't want my hand touching that thing after all that.

I always feel like I should say something but don't want to cause a scene. The funny thing is you never see these guys working out. They are just there in the locker room...naked...

Really?...

So...I was walking into work yesterday and saw this pregnant chick outside smoking while rubbing her enormous belly. Really?

Obviously she has not read the God damn Surgeon General's warning on the pack which is PLAIN AS DAY. I almost expected her to have one tooth in her head and pull out a flask of her poison of choice right there in the smoker's paradise (the little enclosed area where you are allowed to smoke on site).

What was ridiculous is there were about 5 other people out there smoking as well and they were totally ignoring the fact that there was a preggo idiot huffing on a menthol. Literally the pink elephant in the room...

Stinkbomb Takes It Up A Notch...

So...I have been telling you about the disgusting creature I call "Stinkbomb" who is always in Au Bon Pain in the mornings, right? Well today he really outdid himself. He must have been inspired by the Olympics because he went for the gold today, or the "brown" in his case (that's foreshadowing for all you not in the know...).

Well, I walk in and immediately am hit with the stench of body cheese and unwashed hair. I look to my left and surprise surprise, it's that pig Stinkbomb. The smell today was even more ripe than usual and as I headed for the coffee making station 2 women come in and rather loudly say "God, it stinks in here". I politely informed then that they had just walked past the culprit and they both turned and looked in disgust at the disheveled bastard reading the USA Today by the window. The one lady comments that she thought it was food gone bad; I laugh.

I finish making my coffee (6 sugars and light cream), pick up my poppy seed bagel and head to the counter to check out. As my bagel is toasting I notice that SB has this weird look on his face and gets up really quick, grabs his bag and literally runs to the bathroom. As he speeds past me I get the ungodly whiff of the most putrid odor wafting through the air. It is then that I realize that he must have just shit his pants...right there in the cafe...in front of everyone...on the chair...The place smelled like someone just changed 500 dirty diapers on a table in the middle of all the hustle and bustle. The manager was making a sandwich and must have smelt the aroma because he looks up really fast to see the bathroom door swing shut and grimaces. I grab my now toasted bagel and get the fuck out of Dodge.

Thank God tomorrow is our last day in this building...

Way Too Bizarre...

"Corpse Kept Upright for 3-Day Wake"

This is just way too creepy for my taste.

First off, the guy was really young so why would he already be planning his wake so early in life? He must have been doing something he shouldn't have been and knew that it would eventually catch up with him. I don't know of any 24 year old that is making these kind of requests and bizarre ones at that. And to be found dead under a bridge only brings more questions as to what the activities he was participating in were.

There is just something really disturbing about seeing that body propped up in the corner like that. The closed eyes, the poutty lips, the pancake make-up and the hunch in his back all combined make him look artificial. You would at least think they would dress him in some decent burial attire. He looks like he is on his way to a fucking 50 Cent concert.

Weren't there any health concerns related to a dead body being in that position out in the open like that for three days? You would think that the fluid in the body would migrate to the feet and begin to spill out onto the floor. A very disgusting thought but one that deserves MAJOR consideration. I couldn't imagine having lost my child and then having to clean up the mess that was left on the floor after the wake. Seems to me that there would be serious biological issue to contend with and the safety of the living should have been taken into consideration before the wishes of the dead.

One of the comments left on the article states, "This seems more like a grieving mothers last wish, "Make him look as alive as possible."... by Susique333 " and I would have to agree with them. It seems like the mother couldn't deal with her child dying and this may have been a last ditch effort to immortalize him in some sick way. Her last image of him being there at a gathering standing around with all the other guests. So sick the way the mind works in times of distress...

Not Tonight Honey, My Head Hurts...

"Man Beheads Girlfriend in Greece, Fled in Patrol Car"

Good grief, how many of these beheadings are going to pop up now? First this one and now another?

Who knew that it was such a popular method in which to murder and violate your victim's body. I would have thought a simple shooting or poisoning with deadly nightshade would suffice. Apparently, that is much too gauche for these individuals. At least each one put their own spin on the deadly affair. The Canadian bus rider thought it would be fun to eat his victim right there in the aisle while the Greek guy beheaded the dog as well and then threw his girlfriends' head in a patrol car and went for a nice Sunday stroll through the city running over motorcyclists to boot.

On a sick note, I found the last line of this FOX News story: "As the police fired at Arvanitis to stop him, a stray bullet hit a woman bystander, injuring her slightly, police said. ", completely hilarious. Talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time. This would totally be my luck. Getting struck by a stray bullet that was meant for a psychotic head chopping NASCAR reject.

Thinking about this mode of, shall we say, elimination, I would think it's probably not the best way to handle things. Not to get gross or anything because I am a VERY PROPER type (cough), I think it would be entirely too messy for my taste. In my case, I'd probably want to kill MYSELF halfway through the deed from being sick to my stomach. Disgusting...

Hopefully, this is the last of the head severing we'll hear about, for awhile at least...

Excuse Me Mame, Er...Sir...

"The gender trap: We're familiar with drug testing for athletes, but officials at the Beijing Olympics will be taking things one stage further and examining competitors whose sex is in doubt. And it is far from being a new problem, as Emine Saner discovers"

Great article by Emine Saner, from the Guardian in the UK.

I actually never knew this was so much of an issue that they had to actually "test" women thought to be men competitors. Although, looking back to my younger years as an avid Olympics watcher, I do recall some of the East German team members to be very "butch", shall we say? Who knew that they were being forced to ingest physically altering drugs that also made them somewhat mental, and for some, suicidal.

Reading the section on Adolf Hitler, it doesn't surprise me that he would have resorted to such trickery as substituting a male in a female competition in order to give the appearance of Aryan domination and supremacy. Compared to most of the horror he created and stirred up, the shenanigans perpetrated at the Olympics can be considered quite tame.

As far as the Polish sprinter goes, wouldn't it have been VERY obvious that her bits and pieces were flopping about as she ran like the wind? Even back then, I think they wore shorts that were, well...short. I assume some serious taping and shellacking had to be done before every race. Wouldn't someone have noticed during all those years?

Anyway, back to China. It seems that the more I hear about the Olympics this year, the more I get disturbed about the way they are being conducted. Most likely, the Olympics will probably NEVER be held in a communist country again. There seems to be way to much drama and bullshit associated with the act of fair play and camaraderie between nations. Great lengths seem to be taken to make the air of goodwill the games represent anything but...

Here we Go Again, AGAIN!...

"Arrest Made in Death of Pregnant North Carolina Soldier"

Are we going to have one of these every week now?

As I wrote previously, WHO THE HELL are they letting into the military? It's becoming a fucking joke. It used to be prestigious and held some air of dignity and respect when someone was active in the military, now it seems that the current crop of recruits are destroying that reputation with stupid ass antics.

I was saying that the punishment should be more harsh than it currently is but screw that. Why don't they just gas these guys right off the bat. Screw the trial, to hell with the lawyers, just take them directly to the gas chamber.

It seems like if your preggers in the military, you better watch your ass...

I wonder what the powers that be are doing to try and control and most importantly STOP this behaviour. In all actuality, what can be done?

If You Feel Something Kicking, Just Aim It To The Left...

"Pregnant Prostitutes To Face Charges "

This is totally nasty.

I used to have a friend who was preggers and unbeknownst to me, I later discovered that she was "dating" men who had a penchant for distended bellies and breast milk.

Gross - I know. We went to high school together and I have since lost touch. Probably for the best actually, LOL...

I like how one of the women was 8 months pregnant. Can you imagine hiring her and in the middle of whatever you were paying for the water breaks! Very classy...

Sick Bastard...

"EX-CON GETS LIFE FOR COLUMBIA STUDENT TORTURE"

These kinds of monsters are real and they are out there people...

Not much shocks me but this came pretty close. The things he did to this poor girl are so gruesome, I would be able to write a few horror novels from that material.

I hope he gets his comeuppance in Riker's. I'm sure there are a few people ready to greet him there...

Rectal Probes On The Horizon...

"Fliers Complain About X-Rated Security Screenings: TSA Agents Forced Woman To Remove Nipple Rings, Pulled Pants Off Disabled Man"

This is totally what it's come to.

I can actually see both sides of the coin on this one but there is a key statement in this whole article:

"But experts have said it's important to use common sense when balancing security and customer service."

I recently flew to Florida on vacation and can appreciate the heightened security measures as they are in place to protect everyone on that plane as well as the people on the ground. But there was also some security people who acted like they were the fucking Gestapo. Was very disturbing.

As for making someone take out their nipple rings, that's just plain stupid. I hope that women sues the shit out of the airline and that specific idiot who made her use pliers to take them off.

And the guard who pulled down the old man's pants...If that was me I would have bitch slapped the asshole. Jail or no jail, you don't do that shit right out in the open. Take the guy to a room and then have him pull his pants down.

Where is the common sense in all of this?