F*ck You Very Much!...

I recently bought a friend of mine a birthday present. Now, let me preface this with the fact that AT THE TIME of purchase, said friend was not acting like a complete douchebag. Okay, now that we got that tidbit on the table the rest of the story goes as follows....

So...I go out of my way to buy a friend a nice little gift for their birthday. It's actually something they already own, but what I bought was an upgrade to their existing item. Anyway, at the time I bought it the friend was on good terms with me and my other personalities. So I felt good about buying the gift. And of course I bought the wrapping paper and everything to make it nice and pretty and a card to go along with it. The friends' birthday is not for a another week so, of course, any Sherlock out there can deduce that I still have the gift in my possession.

Since the purchase of the gift and all that that entailed (the driving to the store, buying all the shit to make it look pretty and the actual time it took to construct said pretty packaging of gift), my friend has pushed my limits on what I find to be good taste and common courtesy. How, you may ask? To make a long story short, the fucker said I was fat not once, not twice but THREE GOD DAMN times! Actually they called me a "pig" once, a "cow" another time as well as "fat ass". Mind you, I am not fat, I am 6 feet tall and weigh @ 225lbs. I'm not Kate Moss but I could be her younger sister Kate Mess. Anyway, I digress...

Back to the present in question...Since my friend has so eloquently pointed out my fat to muscle ratio, I now feel stupid for buying the gift for someone who is rude and quite frankly, crass. So my question is this: Should I feel guilty about taking the gift back? Or should I just give it to them like I first intended to?

Lies! Lies! All Lies!...

"Janet Jackson Hospitalized"

She pulls this stunt every few years. She goes in for plastic surgery and comes out having "lost weight" from the illness. LOL! Brilliant. What's better is that people fall for it every single time...

Hopefully she'll lose that mohawk she performs in concert with as well when she is "released"...

Can You Say Pig?...

"Plan being made to lift 'Bruce' the pig siege: Bruce the pig held woman captive "

Oh the trials and tribulations of having to raise an animal.

I find it fascinating that the people actually thought it was rude of the pig to be a total pig when it came to food. What the hell did you think it was going to do? Ask politely for more food and sit at the dinner table with a fork and knife? It's a PIG for crying out loud! Their jobs are to be PIGS. Nothing more and nothing less. Bruce was probably pissed that the bitch was a vegetarian and was in need of some chicken or something meaty, poor thing.

It's hilarious that he so dramatically "held her captive", HA HA HA! I was imagining some pig in camouflage with a bandanna and a machine gun holding up a little old lady for some grub. Some stealth pig hiding behind the outhouse door waiting for granny to drop the kids at the pool, or cesspool in this case. Too funny.

Actually, this pig reminds me of my pug Pugsley. He can get quite demanding when it comes to food and treats. The poor thing is 38 pounds and the average pug weighs in betwixt 20 and 25lbs. I got my ass reamed by the vet last week about it, but he seems like he is in good spirits and is sprightly and determined so I will let it be for now. When the little bastard starts to bite me and knock on my door at 4am, it's totally Jenny Craig time for his ass...

Meet "Princess Chunk"...

"WHOLE LOTTA LOVE: Meet A 44-Pound Cat: 'Princess Chunk' Awaiting Owner At Camden Shelter"

Now that's a fat cat!!!

I love the name Princess Chunk. Sounds like a few queens that I know. Although, if they were misplaced, no one would be looking for them, LOL!

I'm pretty sure that if the owner doesn't come for the cat someone will adopt her...and put her on a diet I hope...

Update: I just ran across this post from the NY Post about the cat as well. There are better pictures of the cat here.

Part 2...Coincidence...

So I just took a gander at the offenders website and sure enough, ANOTHER article is on there! WHAT THE FUCK? At least he had the common sense to use a different link this time.

Fucking dirtbag...

We're Out of Milk, Just Use Gravy On Those Frosted Flakes...

"More Than One in Four American Adults Now Obese"

This really doesn't bode well for the future of America...

Why is it that whenever they show show a fat person in the media they are:
a) Always alone or shot in some way to seem like an outcast?
b) Always eating something and it's usually take-out or fast food of some kind?
c) The photo is taken at the most cruel angles in order to get the maximum fat roll content?

I thought these statements were interesting:

"Why is the South so heavy? The traditional Southern diet — high in fat and fried food — may be part of the answer..."

"The South also has a large concentration of rural residents and black women — two groups that tend to have higher obesity rates..."

"In today's America, poor people tend to be obese: The cheapest foods tend to be calorie-heavy, and stores offering healthier, and more expensive, food choices often are not found in poor neighborhoods..."

I can hear Al Sharpton's computer keyboard clicking away constructing his next public outcry of racism and demonization of the southern black community. Actually, I would lean towards agreeing with him. While the statistics are probably true, taken in context, I think they are a little biased.

In relation to the number of black people that are in the south, the rates of obesity are higher yes, but the overall number of fat black women compared to fat white women is most likely significantly lower. So, I ask, what's their excuse. They say that the blacks are fat because of basically "fried food and no money to buy healthier items", so what's the reason for fat white folk? If they have the stores with the healthy food and the money to buy it, why the hell are they busting at the seems also?

Seems to me that the reason that everyone is fat is because we stuff our faces with crap and are to lazy to work it off. That's why I gained some poundage. Not because I'm "poor" (who isn't really nowadays) or "ethnic", it's because I got lazy and decided that I wanted a pizza and some beer rather than that grilled chicken salad and iced tea. Simple as that.

So what do we need to do to overcome this? Get the fuck off the couch, put down the fork and get to running or some other activity that sucks ass but slims you down. I have actually started to go back to the gym and have now logged 9 miles on the elliptical trainer in the past 3 days. Not where I was when I started the pizza diet but definitely above my expectations. When I get back to 4 miles a day and lifting weights again, I will be happy with the effort.

And it does get easier as you go along, as cliched as that may sound. You just have to suffer for a bit to reap the reward... and suffer I am right now...

Fat Guy In Little Coat...

Ever see these buffaloes in those Hoover Round scooters who are so enormous, they can't even walk anymore and simply live in one of these things? Well, we have one here in our building, and she's a bitch extraordinaire.

So, I'm at my usual morning haunt, A Bunch of Pain, and I see Miss Universe (I call her that because she thinks the world revolves around her) sitting in front of the cookie/brownie display case looking all pissed off. From previous experience and run ins, I make it a point to totally AVOID her ass as she has intentionally run over my foot once before after I asked her to "please scoot over" in the elevator lobby as she was literally blocking the fucking entryway, but I digress...

Anyway, I grab my bagel after some maneuvering as she is right next to the poppy seeds and get in line. Meanwhile she is thumbing through the case looking for what, I assume, is the perfect cookie. As I am being rung up, she makes it a point to rip the poor girl a new butthole because the cookies have now gotten smaller, or so she believes they have, over the past year and she feels she's entitled to a "free" few (not one but a few). The girl is telling her that she is sorry, but she can't do that and the woman grabs her bag of cookies (she actually purchased about 4 or 5) and speeds off into the sunset griping.

The whole time I am thinking what a total lonely bitch this woman must be. She is seriously off putting, as displayed by her demeanor towards others, and the fact that she uses that GD chair as a weapon certainly doesn't help her cause either. Sad. I'm surprised that engine has held up this long. I remember her screaming at someone once that she was "handicapped" and the person said, "No, you're just fat!"...

I Know You Are But What Am I?,,,

"Bolivian President Calls Peruvian Head of State 'Fat,' Incites War of Words"

Yo mama is fat!

Too funny! They look so happy in the picture. I can just imagine what these two say about each other in private. So high school...

I guess there is a lot worse things that the guy could have said. Such as "Your mama wears combat boots" or "Go fly a kite"...

Suck In The Gut Baby... Redux...

I also saw this winner on the news last night and I was right, as I wrote earlier in the week here, she is a pig. She was giving an interview with a reporter and came off as a total golddigger. First of all, she's in her 50's. Not to say that women of a certain age can't wear sexy undies, but would you really want to see that? And don't bring up Kim Cattrall...there are always exceptions, of course, and this mess was not even close. Secondly, I saw no sign of trauma to her eye or any lasting effects and it seemed like she was just totally looking for a way to bank some quick dough...

Suck In The Gut Baby...

"Dinged By A G-String? Woman, 52, sues Victoria's Secret, claims injury from defective thong"

Is this the front or the back?

Oh Good Lord... What next? I thought this was going to be some kind of ass crack or hoo-hoo injury not an EYE INJURY! How the hell was she putting these damn things on? She's probably overweight and tried to fit into something not designed for the size of her ass and the damn thing snapped and poked her eye out. They even asked to examine the garment but the plaintiff refused. They were probably all stretched to capacity and shredded and it probably would have hindered her lawsuit.

It reminds me of that scene in Polyester where Cuddles was trying on the "designer" dresses but she was really chubs and she kept ripping them apart over her gut and upper punky fat. Hilarious...

Step Away From The Donuts...

"700-Pound Man's Birthday Wish? Marriage"

How about wishing for a jaw wiring or a lock for the fridge? There is absolutely no reason for ANYONE to let themselves get to 1,235 lbs. He blames it on junk food but how about taking responsibility for your own actions. No one forced him to stuff his face with garbage. I doubt anyone was holding a gun to his head while dangling a fucking Quarter Pounder in front of him.

The girlfriend is obviously a chubby chaser as her last boyfriend was obese and keeled over on her. She certainly has her hands full now.

It's also very sad that the only way for him to get out involves a crane and a flatbed and still he gets caught underneath an overpass. If it wasn't so grotesque it would be funny...

Seriously, I doubt that I could live that way. Imagine having to have someone bathe and wipe your ass everyday. You'd have to buy one of those hooks that you attach toilet paper to just so you could clean your own hole. You'd have to have a bed reinforced with lug nuts to support your ever increasing girth. Special garments because nothing would be off the rack in your closet. Truly depressing.

I hope he makes it down the aisle...

A No-Brainer...

"Kennedy to undergo surgery at Duke for brain tumor"

Tumor

I heard that the doctors started the brain surgery operation but ran into a snafu. They couldn't find it! The only thing in there was an unused life preserver...

Probably Indigestion from Fast Food...

"Doctors look for cause of Kennedy seizure "

http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/05/18/kennedy.hospital/index.html

Here's a clue...He's a fucking fat pig and drinks a lot. Maybe that had something to do with it? I wonder if he was flopping around like a piece of sizzling bacon? Sometimes, I wonder why I didn't get into the medical field...

Free Turkey Leg With That Purchase!...

"Judge Holds Court In Parking Lot For 500-Lb. Man"

http://wcbstv.com/topstories/Parking.Lot.Court.2.714153.html

So was this sodbuster in the front or back of the truck? I can't see a 500lbs man getting in the cab of the truck without some Crisco and the Jaws-of-Life assisting him. Seriously, how the hell do you let your self get to that point? And why is the justice system pandering to him? Make that fat ass walk up the stairs. It may be the only exercise he gets...