Happy Birthday KatMist!!!

Sign up on Facebook already, damn...

I Hope It Was Trans-Fat Free Oil...

"Cosmetic surgery addict injected cooking oil into her own face"

This chick is probably one of the most pathetic creatures on the face of the earth.

So...is there anyone out there that would agree her rational for using her head as a pin cushion was: a) logical b) practical c) a sign that Obamamania has gotten out of control?

Looking at her pictures, it's hard to fault her for wanting to puff out her fucking face because it looks like a deflated balloon now that they let all the air out. I would think that by the time my face started rebelling against the surgeon's knife I would have thought twice about going back and said, "That's a wrap".

I believe this is a real disorder where people have addictions to plastic surgery. Another famous case that comes to mind besides the alien known as Michael Jackson is Jocelyne Wildenstein, or "Bride of Wildenstein" or "Wildebeast" as she is more commonly known as. Everytime I see her picture, I think of Rocky Dennis from the movie "Mask" starring the also afflicted Cher. Small world...

No Shit Sherlock...

"CLAY: I'M GAY AIKEN"

Duh...

Girlfriend Needs To Get A Grip...

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Curiosity Will Always Get You In Trouble...

So I'm listening to some Podcasts yesterday on my iPod and one of them had mentioned sex reassignment surgery or SRS as it is more commonly known. Unfortunately, that got the wheels turning in my head and I decided that it might be a good idea to see if I could find something online with pictures of the surgery.

I began my search of course by typing in "MTF vagina pictures" on Google and hit the images link and get a few pictures that pop up. Nothing too bad. I continue to nose around and am directed to another website about cosmetic surgery and there I am able to see before and after pictures of not only SRS but of vaginoplasty and of course the ever popular boob jobs. I also see some pictures of a Female to Male surgery result and what they describe as a "penis" looks like something that was caught in a meat grinder, but I digress...

After viewing the pictures, I feel a sense of accomplish as I had set out to find pictures and had, but I still felt that I wanted more. Then I think to myself, "I wonder if they ("they" being the Gods of the internet) actually have a surgery that I could watch online?" Don't ask me why I decided to look this up (I was already asked that last night) as I have no good explanation but I do tend to have a morbid sense of curiosity and feel comfortable blaming my actions on that. After a few brief moments of searching through what seemed like several bogus videos that didn't actually show anything interesting I came across this video (WARNING: VERY GRAPHIC! IF YOU HAVE A PENIS, SLIGHT DISCOMFORT AND SQUIRMING WILL ENSUE).

One word: BRUTAL.

After it was all over and I had the feeling that my balls were in my throat. They literally had run into my body and were hiding from the horror that was unfolding on the screen. Something about a pair of scissors and a knife near my jubblies (a word meaning genitals, Thanks Wanda Wisdom!) makes me feel ill at ease. I must admit the end result was impressive but the toll for the road to that ending was way too high a price in my book. Not that I had ever thought of doing that, but any type of surgery "down there" would be traumatic I suppose.

In the end, I could have lived without the image of having seen some guy's hoo-hoo turned into a haa-haa, but it was educational I think (at least I'm trying to tell myself that)...

Part 2...Coincidence...

So I just took a gander at the offenders website and sure enough, ANOTHER article is on there! WHAT THE FUCK? At least he had the common sense to use a different link this time.

Fucking dirtbag...

Lindsey Lohan In About 30 Years...

"Stripper, 80, still taking her clothes off"

Ewwww...

After seeing those hands of hers, I thank the powers that be and the online editor for not showing us the Full Monty in this article...

Fat Guy In Little Coat...

Ever see these buffaloes in those Hoover Round scooters who are so enormous, they can't even walk anymore and simply live in one of these things? Well, we have one here in our building, and she's a bitch extraordinaire.

So, I'm at my usual morning haunt, A Bunch of Pain, and I see Miss Universe (I call her that because she thinks the world revolves around her) sitting in front of the cookie/brownie display case looking all pissed off. From previous experience and run ins, I make it a point to totally AVOID her ass as she has intentionally run over my foot once before after I asked her to "please scoot over" in the elevator lobby as she was literally blocking the fucking entryway, but I digress...

Anyway, I grab my bagel after some maneuvering as she is right next to the poppy seeds and get in line. Meanwhile she is thumbing through the case looking for what, I assume, is the perfect cookie. As I am being rung up, she makes it a point to rip the poor girl a new butthole because the cookies have now gotten smaller, or so she believes they have, over the past year and she feels she's entitled to a "free" few (not one but a few). The girl is telling her that she is sorry, but she can't do that and the woman grabs her bag of cookies (she actually purchased about 4 or 5) and speeds off into the sunset griping.

The whole time I am thinking what a total lonely bitch this woman must be. She is seriously off putting, as displayed by her demeanor towards others, and the fact that she uses that GD chair as a weapon certainly doesn't help her cause either. Sad. I'm surprised that engine has held up this long. I remember her screaming at someone once that she was "handicapped" and the person said, "No, you're just fat!"...

Needed To Be Said...

"Woah 'Mamma' ... Gay Crowd Snubbed?"

Totally ridiculous...

Alright, something has to be said about this crap.

I AM SO TIRED of people shoving gayness up in everyone's face. This doesn't make you any less of a human or better of one.

I AM SO TIRED of non-gay people threatening to kill the gays because they can't get married. Just let gays get married and they'll most likely shut the fuck up. What do you care anyway? Is there some secret list of marriages that you are keeping in your well fortified safe that you have to keep tabs on? Are you trying to save the planet by not having as many flowers slashed down because of an overflow of weddings that may or may not happen? Does the fact that the little grooms and brides that go on top of a cake will now have to be sold separately bother you?

I AM SO TIRED every time something such as this "snub" happens it's because "we're gay". No, it's not because you are gay but if you keep this shit up, it will be. Nobody likes to go to parties where the hosts are crybaby assholes. Just keep that in mind...

HELLO! The damn movie isn't even gay themed! Just because us fags like ABBA and that the music of ABBA just happens to be the tie throughout a movie doesn't mean that said movie is automatically "gay"! Get a life fellow faggots.

Sometimes I feel embarrassed of the gay community because we get caught up in such ridiculous drama. So the people didn't show up to the opening. WHO THE HELL CARES! Maybe they didn't feel like working that day. Have you ever woke up and said, "Oh screw it, I'm calling out today."? We have all done it at some point in life and who are we to judge someone else for doing the same thing?

Get over it and move on...

I Wonder If It Was A Leather Thong?...

"Man Accused of Walking Down Interstate Wearing Thong, Fake Breasts"

What an ugly women this guy would have presented, in a thong, fake breasts and wig no less.

ROFL! This is actually right down the street from where my friend lives. The guy looks like your average trucker, who in general, are the ones to indulge in such affairs. Sometimes I wonder what possesses these guys to do such things. If you want to do that in the privacy of your own home, have at it. But, please, don't subject my delicate eyes to such a fright...

She'll OD By Year's End...

"Winehouse Has Emphysema, Says Dad"

Crack is whack...

I can't imagine the amount of crack and heroin this trainwreck must be smoking ON TOP OF the cigarettes, so much that, at 24 you are going to need an oxygen machine to breathe. She has to be hitting that pipe all day, all week, all month.

I once knew this crackhead chick who was wired all the time. She eventually got fired from her job and started to let herself go. I always thought she must have smelt like a fucking garbage bin from Joe's Crab Shack down there after awhile. So nasty what this stuff and meth will do to people.

I don't understand the draw of heroin. I have never done it myself but they say that it's almost the same high as Oxycontin. I did take that once and it made me feel seriously sick and I thought , "Who the hell would deliberately want to feel like this all day?". I would have rather have eaten a pizza...

Anyway, I bet they are telling her that to scare her into quitting whatever substance she is on. There is a quote that I love and it's very fitting for this situation:

"If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning."

So true...

No Class While Getting It In The Ass...

"Park officials target sex in the dunes"

Oh jeez, I have heard so much about these dunes, it has actually hindered me from wanting to go to this place.

I have a friend who keeps telling me that Provincetown, MA is not a sex hive for gays but after reading this, I think maybe he has been lying.

I had a different friend who told me that he went there to P-Town and they were walking in the dunes exploring the area and they saw a huge line of people. So, they walked over to see what they were all waiting for thinking it was some sort of BBQ or something like that and it turned out to be a line of people waiting to fuck some gross queen's ass right out there in the open. Just standing in line there like they were waiting for Maury tickets outside the theater. He said that after the initial shock of that, they turned and got the hell out of Dodge.

After moving out here, I've found the men to be far scarier than out west that's for sure. I went camping once and had a guy just come into my tent and try to pull my pants down. So fucking rude...

So You Think You Can Dance...

I was watching this show last night and I had to ask myself, "When did Mary Murphy become a full fledged drag queen?". She's got the bouffant hair going like something out of a 90's Ru Paul video and this leopard print bustier with lace edging, hooker gloves from Frederick's of Hollywood and make-up by someone who's obviously blind or hates her. I do like her though, she just needs to get a different stylist...

Then there's that total be-och Mia Michaels. What an ass. You can tell she is still working through those issues of being the ugly girl in a room full of beauties. It seems like every girl that danced was committing some sort of crime by the reviews she gave last night. Aside from the dance critiquing she got a little too personal for my liking and it made me think she was a very bitter See You Next Tuesday.

They also have these stupid montages or "snippets", if you will, of the dancers right before they perform. I guess they are supposed to get us better acquainted with their personalities so we can make a better voting decision but they all come off as fucking idiots to me. Some of these people are so annoying and fake it's ridiculous. My favorites are all the total queens trying to act like they actually like poon. One guy was saying, "Too bad she already has a boyfriend" as he flung his feather boa around his neck. I was born at night but not last night...

What No Tampon Machine?...

"Cross-Dressing Students Get 'Transvestite Toilet' at Thai School"

Oh those crazy trannies are at it again...

LOL! I love this line:

"Three transgender students praised the new restroom as they plucked their eyebrows and applied face powder in front of the mirror outside the stalls."

So gay, lol. These Thai trannies don't mess around. So weird how the level of tolerance in other countries far surpasses that of the US. Then again it doesn't helo that every gay character on TV or in the movies is this flaming stereotypical queen who cares more about their make-up and hair than they do about acting like a normal person, if there is such a thing...

Secret Delight...

There's almost nothing I like better (other than seeing them trip and fall, he he he) than seeing someone I absolutely can't stand get a new hair-don't. I had this pleasure today and the butcher Potato Head (what I like to call this trainwreck) went to made an absolute mess of the twat's hair. Muah ha ha ha.

Of course, the sighting took place at the normal rendezvous for me, A Bunch of Pain. I was walking in and she was coming out. I actually did a double take because it was so bad/funny, she looked at me, I rolled me eyes and we parted ways. The back story on our relationship is that she lied to my boss trying to get me in trouble and it backfired. She then tried to be nice to me afterward and I basically gave her a "Fuck you" look and it's been great ever since.

These workplace drama-mama's are so stupid. It's like they look for shit to start a controversy and if there is nothing there they make it up. I mean do they not have anything better to do, such as, I don't know, ACTUAL WORK to do instead of lurking around corners eavesdropping or getting bundled up in everyone else's underwear? Every office has a few and at my office they abound.

I wish yeast infections on all of you that do that!...

Tap Once For Head, Twice For...

Bathroom Reading: Sen. Craig to write book about airport sex arrest...

I wonder if this one is going to be a "How To" manual?...It cracks me up that this old fart is still denying that he is "NOT gay and never has been gay". He just has those gay eyes if you ask me. Oh, and the bathroom blow jobs were kind of a give away...

Where Did He Tuck His Whopper In That Granny Dress?...

"Drag Queen Robs Burger King"

http://www.wfsb.com/news/16293623/detail.html?treets=hart&tid=2657515164813&tml=hart_irr&tmi=hart_irr_1_01300505162008&ts=H

ROFL! This has some great fucking quotes!:

"Security cameras showed the man, wearing a dress with a revealing bust line and hair barrettes..."

"Robertson said the thief is probably a genuine cross-dresser because his necklace matched the dress, his nails appeared to be painted and the wig was well made..."

"Most of the time when somebody puts on a wig they're just trying to hide their identity by putting on something like a Halloween mask, but he's pretty..."

This sheriff must be a total bumpkin if he thinks this hot tranny mess is "pretty". He kind of looks like that guy in the Jane's Addiction video "Been Caught Stealing" who stuffed the food up his front butt in the supermarket. Sick. Honestly I probably would have lost it and got shot from laughing my ass off if I saw that come through the window...