F*ck You Very Much!...

I recently bought a friend of mine a birthday present. Now, let me preface this with the fact that AT THE TIME of purchase, said friend was not acting like a complete douchebag. Okay, now that we got that tidbit on the table the rest of the story goes as follows....

So...I go out of my way to buy a friend a nice little gift for their birthday. It's actually something they already own, but what I bought was an upgrade to their existing item. Anyway, at the time I bought it the friend was on good terms with me and my other personalities. So I felt good about buying the gift. And of course I bought the wrapping paper and everything to make it nice and pretty and a card to go along with it. The friends' birthday is not for a another week so, of course, any Sherlock out there can deduce that I still have the gift in my possession.

Since the purchase of the gift and all that that entailed (the driving to the store, buying all the shit to make it look pretty and the actual time it took to construct said pretty packaging of gift), my friend has pushed my limits on what I find to be good taste and common courtesy. How, you may ask? To make a long story short, the fucker said I was fat not once, not twice but THREE GOD DAMN times! Actually they called me a "pig" once, a "cow" another time as well as "fat ass". Mind you, I am not fat, I am 6 feet tall and weigh @ 225lbs. I'm not Kate Moss but I could be her younger sister Kate Mess. Anyway, I digress...

Back to the present in question...Since my friend has so eloquently pointed out my fat to muscle ratio, I now feel stupid for buying the gift for someone who is rude and quite frankly, crass. So my question is this: Should I feel guilty about taking the gift back? Or should I just give it to them like I first intended to?

Weave Me Alone...

"Port St. Lucie woman says ex-boyfriend snatched wig, rode away on bike"

God I love Florida.

Where else can you admit over a cell phone to the police to snatching your ex-girlfriend's wig, slapping her and then riding off into the sunset (well actually it was 3am but you get my drift) without fear of reprisal?

So...she had "naturally blond" hair underneath the black wig? Sounds fishy to me. I'm wondering if the blond hair wasn't a wig as well. And if so, why didn't she use the same glue on the black wig as she did the blond? At least that adhesive held, even with the added smack for good measure. Must have been Gorilla Glue...

The most awesome thing about the whole incident (well, second most awesome thing if you count her not knowing what the hell her ex-boyfriend's last name was...even though she lived with him for 8 months) was that he hung up on the police after they asked his name.

Are we still in the primitive age of not having the basic functions of caller ID? Was his name not programmed into her phone when he called? Actually, from all the evidence provided it might have been misspelled so scratch that one... Can we not call the carrier and get a name? There's enough technology out there to find out who the hell that is if we cared, but obviously, we don't.

I guess it's much more satisfying to speculate and ponder the stupid...at least I think so...

Sounds Like A Move In A Square Dance..."Swing Your Chicken 'Round And 'Round"

"Rabbi Alleges Threat Over Chicken Ritual"

I am still laughing my ass off as I type this post. The following article (from the http://www.washintgtonpost.com/ website) is seriously one of the best tidbits that I have read in a very long time. Not because of the writing, but of the imagery it produces:

"YOM KIPPUR

Rabbi Alleges Threat Over Chicken Ritual

New York City police are investigating a rabbi's complaint that threatening e-mails were sent in connection with the slaughter of chickens to atone for sins before Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of Atonement.

Rabbi Shea Hecht of the National Committee for Furtherance of Jewish Education says the e-mails were sent by supporters of a People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals campaign opposing the ritual, known as kapparot. He says some people added threatening and anti-Semitic comments to an online PETA form letter.

The Brooklyn-based Jewish organization slaughters about 4,000 chickens.

A PETA spokesman says the ritual is abusive and unnecessary."

If you look at the definition of "kapparot" you will see that it's basically someone swinging a chicken around in the air and chanting. The poor thing is probably freaking out shitting all over the place. LOL! This combined with the imagery of some PETA zealot sitting at a computer typing death threats cracks me the fuck up. The ritual sounds kinda ridiculous to me but what is even more ridiculous is the PETA person getting all crazazy in the hazazy. I wonder if they eat the chicken after getting it all dizzied up? Someone will have to let me know about that one.

'Scuse Me Mz While I Knock You Da Fuk Out!...

"Man Beats Teen Girl Over Who Was First at McDonald's"

See what happens when you shoot off your mouth at Mikey D's!

How many times have you been in line, anywhere (BK, Mickey D's, Disneyland, etc...), and you just wanted to beat the living shinola out of someone in line as well? Kudos to this guy!

I'm guessing that the girl was one of those Bratz doll type little ho's with a sense of entitlement bigger than Clay Aiken at a bathhouse and this guy, most likely a thug because, honestly, who else would be that bold and ig'nant to walk up to the front of the line and start placing their Big Mac order? Anyway, I digress...He probably came up and she started with the chicken head bobbing "No he di'ent" routine and he clocked her. Too bad the Ronald McDonald cam video wasn't released. I think it would make for some great popcorn fare...