Octo-Mom...

I'm already getting tired of this dimwit. Please world, enough of the Octo-Mom! If you ignore her she will go away...Of course she's going to steal our tax dollars on the way out but at least she will go away!

I Hope It Was Trans-Fat Free Oil...

"Cosmetic surgery addict injected cooking oil into her own face"

This chick is probably one of the most pathetic creatures on the face of the earth.

So...is there anyone out there that would agree her rational for using her head as a pin cushion was: a) logical b) practical c) a sign that Obamamania has gotten out of control?

Looking at her pictures, it's hard to fault her for wanting to puff out her fucking face because it looks like a deflated balloon now that they let all the air out. I would think that by the time my face started rebelling against the surgeon's knife I would have thought twice about going back and said, "That's a wrap".

I believe this is a real disorder where people have addictions to plastic surgery. Another famous case that comes to mind besides the alien known as Michael Jackson is Jocelyne Wildenstein, or "Bride of Wildenstein" or "Wildebeast" as she is more commonly known as. Everytime I see her picture, I think of Rocky Dennis from the movie "Mask" starring the also afflicted Cher. Small world...

Does This Herpes Sore Make Me Look Fat?...

"Prostitution has not suffered drop-off despite economic meltdown"

Hmmm...Who would have known that donut punching with a professional was not hit by the economic crunch? Seems to me that I am slaving away in the wrong field according to this article.

The picture says it all. If you look at the knees of the depicted women, you will notice scuff marks and scars, a sure sign that they are, as stated, "still busy" during these hard...hard...hard economic times.

I like the one girl's bit of wiz-dumb imparted upon the reader:

"If men are horny, they're going to come in here." - Um...no shit. I would never have thought that.

"Sadie admits her business has suffered a bit in the fiscal crisis. Some clients are cutting back on their spending, and some aren't returning, she said." - Another reason for this could be that you aren't that good in bed...even with the discounted rate. Some pervs do have standards you know.

"With the economy the way it is, how is my son going to get a loan? And he's going to finish college." - I think she meant, "How is he going to finish college?" Here's a thought: Have him get a fucking job and get the mattress detached from your back.

My mom loves me but I can guarantee that she wouldn't have gone out and gave head for my chemistry 101 textbook and the required lab goggles. Sounds to me like she is using her son as an excuse or she is truly so stupid that she hasn't ever heard of federal student loans.

I'll Have The Scrambled Eggs And A Side of Moonshine...

"Tenn. bus driver accused of DUI with kids aboard"

Oh Christ on a cross! When are these hillbillies going to learn that you drop the kids off before you hit the bottle and not vice versa?

I like how she calmly just strolls out into the center of the street and takes a nap. She couldn't have been that fucked up as she managed to at least pick up all her stops. I can totally see her doing the drunk navigational trick of driving with one eye closed to avoid the old double vision fairy.

Now what I really want to know is if she had curlers still in her hair and if she actually took her dentures out before she passed out; you know anyone in Tennessee over the age of 15 doesn't have all their teeth, well their own teeth anyway...

Really?...

So...I was walking into work yesterday and saw this pregnant chick outside smoking while rubbing her enormous belly. Really?

Obviously she has not read the God damn Surgeon General's warning on the pack which is PLAIN AS DAY. I almost expected her to have one tooth in her head and pull out a flask of her poison of choice right there in the smoker's paradise (the little enclosed area where you are allowed to smoke on site).

What was ridiculous is there were about 5 other people out there smoking as well and they were totally ignoring the fact that there was a preggo idiot huffing on a menthol. Literally the pink elephant in the room...

Stinkbomb Takes It Up A Notch...

So...I have been telling you about the disgusting creature I call "Stinkbomb" who is always in Au Bon Pain in the mornings, right? Well today he really outdid himself. He must have been inspired by the Olympics because he went for the gold today, or the "brown" in his case (that's foreshadowing for all you not in the know...).

Well, I walk in and immediately am hit with the stench of body cheese and unwashed hair. I look to my left and surprise surprise, it's that pig Stinkbomb. The smell today was even more ripe than usual and as I headed for the coffee making station 2 women come in and rather loudly say "God, it stinks in here". I politely informed then that they had just walked past the culprit and they both turned and looked in disgust at the disheveled bastard reading the USA Today by the window. The one lady comments that she thought it was food gone bad; I laugh.

I finish making my coffee (6 sugars and light cream), pick up my poppy seed bagel and head to the counter to check out. As my bagel is toasting I notice that SB has this weird look on his face and gets up really quick, grabs his bag and literally runs to the bathroom. As he speeds past me I get the ungodly whiff of the most putrid odor wafting through the air. It is then that I realize that he must have just shit his pants...right there in the cafe...in front of everyone...on the chair...The place smelled like someone just changed 500 dirty diapers on a table in the middle of all the hustle and bustle. The manager was making a sandwich and must have smelt the aroma because he looks up really fast to see the bathroom door swing shut and grimaces. I grab my now toasted bagel and get the fuck out of Dodge.

Thank God tomorrow is our last day in this building...

Interesting Disappearance... Part 2

"Missing Florida Girl's Grandmother Panicked Over 'Dead Body' Smell in 911 Call"

Dead body smell...Hmmm, I wonder what that could have been from?

As I wrote about this story previously, it really is beginning to look like the mother was responsible for the disappearance of little Caylee Marie Anthony.

To bring us current again from the last update:

So when we last left this saga, the police were interviewing all the acquaintances of the mother Casey. One person had said that they had seen bruises and a mark under the child's eye when they last saw her without actually knowing that the police had a photo of the toddler depicting this same thing as well. Nothing has come of that.

In the meantime, the police completed a complete search of the car that Casey Anthony was driving when she was initially found, sans daughter Caylee, and "...they detected the scent of human decomposition in the trunk of a car used by the child's mother...". They also found strands of hair similar to those of the missing toddler and some dirt in the trunk, which in my mind isn't that out of the ordinary as they could have been on bags or clothing that the child owned or the relatives owned and may have fallen off while going on a trip or through daily errands.

The grandmother's response to this was purely comical and down right disturbing, "Do me a favor," the grandmother, Cindy Anthony, said Wednesday. "Put a little piece of pizza or any piece of garbage in your car today and leave it shut up for 15, 16, 17, 18, 19 days in this heat and then come back to me in 19 days and tell me what it smells like." With that, it's starting to sound like the parents of Casey Anthony are starting to either a) make excuses for their liar daughter or b) cover up something they know about.

Then all of a sudden a "tip" comes in from a women in Orlando, FL who claims to have seen the child boarding a plane with an "older women" in that area. She claims to have spoken with the "abducted" and given the way the child pronounced her name, it was deemed by the family as a "credible" tip. Again, nothing has come of this. The police are saying they have substantial circumstantial evidence relating this to a homicide and the mother has officially become a "person of interest". In other words, they suspect she offed the kid but can't prove it just yet.

Now the 911 tapes have been released and there are 2 from the grandmother, which thus began the saga of missing toddler Caylee Marie Anthony.

The first call from the grandmother merely asks that police be dispatched to arrest her daughter Casey for car theft and also for stealing some money. Apparently, she had been missing a month and the car had been towed and recovered. The grandmother also expressed concern that her granddaughter was nowhere in sight.

She then called back about an hour later crying, apparently after being informed that the child has also been missing for that same period of time, a month. She goes on to say to the 911 operator, "There's something wrong... I found my daughter's car today, and it smells like there's been a dead body in the damn car." The 911 operator goes on to speak with Casey herself and that's where the lie regarding the babysitter seems to get started as she goes on to say that the sitter stole the child 31 days prior.

There was also a tip that fresh concrete was being poured in the yard around July 4th at the residence of the grandparents but that has also seemed to be either unsubstantiated or completely bogus. The reward has also been raised to $250K for the safe return of the child thanks to a wealthy local business man.

So what does this all mean? Sounds like the mother knows exactly what happened to the kid and if hoping the body doesn't get found. She seems to be trying to focus attention away from the area. My bet is the kid is buried in somewhere near the child's grandparents house. Or as I stated before, in a swamp somewhere...

Just Plain Gross...

"Largest Animal Shelter in U.S. Will House 2 Dogs Trained to Have Sex With Women"

These poor animals...

This is just heartbreaking and seriously gross. What the fuck is wrong with people out there? It seems like everyday that goes by, the crazier people get. WHO THE HELL would train their dogs to have sex with them? Apparently these people did, but I'm wondering if they are actually right in the head. Dirty...

I feel sorry for the kid that originally found the recorded tapes showing HIS OWN MOTHER fucking the dogs. I'll tell you, if that was me who saw that kind of stuff involving my own mother I would seriously question my own origin. Every thing you knew about your mom would come into question because if she is capable of this, anything would be possible and, quite obviously, not out of the question...

I'm still kind of sick reading about this stuff.

Interesting Disappearance...

"Where is Caylee Marie? 'We implore everyone to get the word out,' uncle pleads"

So, I've been strangely interested in this story about the compulsive liar mother in Florida (of course) who's baby is missing...

A little background:

The baby was "missing" for 5 weeks before she actually said anything about it. The grandparents were the ones who made the call to the police as they were getting the runaround from the mother as to where the child was.

She claims that she dropped off the baby at a "sitter's" house and then the woman disappeared with her child. The cops go to the house that she says she dropped the infant off at and discover that it had been vacant for 5 months prior and that no one actually lived there. The police soon caught up with the woman identified as the "sitter" and learned that she actually didn't even know who the mother (Casey Marie Anthony) or the baby (Caylee Marie) were.

The liar then told police she worked at Universal Studios and listed a few people who could vouch for her, as they were employees as well, and come to find out - she didn't even work there and neither did any of the people she listed!

So then it comes out that the mother actually borrowed a shovel from her own parent's neighbor about a month ago and the police have now excavated the grandparents yard looking for the remains of the child. Nothing was found. Cadaver dogs and everything were brought out.

She also claims that the father of Caylee is not alive, but now they are considering that that may be a lie as well and are looking into that avenue.

That brings us current and now the police are trying to talk to all her friends to see if she may have said or done something that may give them clues.

This is actually interesting because they have also ruled out drug activity for the most part and are focusing on other areas. The first thing I thought was that she probably was high and then something happened to the baby and she had to get rid of the evidence. They have ruled out drug use as she wasn't an addict or anything and from all reports, she really loved and cared for the baby. So I think that I may be partly right, in that, it was some type of neglect issue but not from drugs.

In any case, I think the kid is probably dead and it's just a matter of time finding out where she ditched the body. Florida has a lot of swamp land and a lot of alligators, as gross a thought as it is, I'm sure that it's probably a good guess to assume they have something to do with the little girls disappearance.

Think Of This The Next Time You Eat Octopus!...

"'Beast' Man Jailed for Possessing 31,000 Animal Porn Images"

This is a little unsettling...

Well, it's a little unsettling because I've basically seen images of everything but the tiger myself. Most of this shit comes out of Japan! They really like their animal and scat porn over there.

Ewww, the internet is a dirty little world I tell ya, LOL...

Fat Guy In Little Coat...

Ever see these buffaloes in those Hoover Round scooters who are so enormous, they can't even walk anymore and simply live in one of these things? Well, we have one here in our building, and she's a bitch extraordinaire.

So, I'm at my usual morning haunt, A Bunch of Pain, and I see Miss Universe (I call her that because she thinks the world revolves around her) sitting in front of the cookie/brownie display case looking all pissed off. From previous experience and run ins, I make it a point to totally AVOID her ass as she has intentionally run over my foot once before after I asked her to "please scoot over" in the elevator lobby as she was literally blocking the fucking entryway, but I digress...

Anyway, I grab my bagel after some maneuvering as she is right next to the poppy seeds and get in line. Meanwhile she is thumbing through the case looking for what, I assume, is the perfect cookie. As I am being rung up, she makes it a point to rip the poor girl a new butthole because the cookies have now gotten smaller, or so she believes they have, over the past year and she feels she's entitled to a "free" few (not one but a few). The girl is telling her that she is sorry, but she can't do that and the woman grabs her bag of cookies (she actually purchased about 4 or 5) and speeds off into the sunset griping.

The whole time I am thinking what a total lonely bitch this woman must be. She is seriously off putting, as displayed by her demeanor towards others, and the fact that she uses that GD chair as a weapon certainly doesn't help her cause either. Sad. I'm surprised that engine has held up this long. I remember her screaming at someone once that she was "handicapped" and the person said, "No, you're just fat!"...

A-Rod or A-Hole?...

"ALEX FIRES BACK IN BID FOR KIDS: C-ROD 'PREVENTED HIM FROM SEEING HIS DAUGHTERS"

Cheating husbands, my favorite.

"A-Rod's spokesman, Richard Rubenstein, said, "He is burning to see his children, and fully intends to play a role in their future."

Are you sure he's not burning because of the gono or syph he probably has from all the strippers he's been porking in Miami?

This guy is such a loser. No matter how much fame or money you have, it's never okay to kiss your wife and kids goodnight and then go fuck a few strippers downtown. Maybe he should have been with his kids, if he is so hurt that he can't see them, instead of cavorting around with ho's every chance he got.

Totally gross...you don't know where that pinga has been...

I Wonder If It Was A Leather Thong?...

"Man Accused of Walking Down Interstate Wearing Thong, Fake Breasts"

What an ugly women this guy would have presented, in a thong, fake breasts and wig no less.

ROFL! This is actually right down the street from where my friend lives. The guy looks like your average trucker, who in general, are the ones to indulge in such affairs. Sometimes I wonder what possesses these guys to do such things. If you want to do that in the privacy of your own home, have at it. But, please, don't subject my delicate eyes to such a fright...

She'll OD By Year's End...

"Winehouse Has Emphysema, Says Dad"

Crack is whack...

I can't imagine the amount of crack and heroin this trainwreck must be smoking ON TOP OF the cigarettes, so much that, at 24 you are going to need an oxygen machine to breathe. She has to be hitting that pipe all day, all week, all month.

I once knew this crackhead chick who was wired all the time. She eventually got fired from her job and started to let herself go. I always thought she must have smelt like a fucking garbage bin from Joe's Crab Shack down there after awhile. So nasty what this stuff and meth will do to people.

I don't understand the draw of heroin. I have never done it myself but they say that it's almost the same high as Oxycontin. I did take that once and it made me feel seriously sick and I thought , "Who the hell would deliberately want to feel like this all day?". I would have rather have eaten a pizza...

Anyway, I bet they are telling her that to scare her into quitting whatever substance she is on. There is a quote that I love and it's very fitting for this situation:

"If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning."

So true...

I Know I Gave You Hep C But Can We Work It Out?...

"Tommy Lee Tells Rolling Stone He and Pamela Anderson Back Together"

Some people never learn that sometimes, it's best to just stay away from each other...

These two are trainwrecks. She can't get enough of that monster trouser snake and he can't get enough of those dirty pillows she slings around. It's really scary when people like this are allowed to have children yet deserving couples out there are given a hard time in the adoption process...

A No-Brainer...

"Kennedy to undergo surgery at Duke for brain tumor"

Tumor

I heard that the doctors started the brain surgery operation but ran into a snafu. They couldn't find it! The only thing in there was an unused life preserver...

Crickety Crack...

"Tatum O'Neal Arrested On Drug Charges
Actress Accused Of Possessing Crack Cocaine"

Crackhead

This chick is really sad. Right about now she's probably thinking she should have called dealer #2 instead of #1 or that she should have just stuck to the heroin instead...

My Toilet Is Backed Up, Can I Use You?...

"The tape's not a fake, R. Kelly jury hears"

Pedophile

This gross child rapist will do and say anything to get off, literally.

The conspiracy theories abound on the part of the defense in this case. First they were trying to say that it's not him because R. Kelly has a mole on his back and the perv in the video doesn't have one. Now they are saying that it's all computer generated to make it look like him. What is this? A bad episode of fucking Law and Order? Why doesn't the prosecution say that maybe the mole was removed by special effects editing? That would be interesting. And seriously, we're talking 10 years ago at the very least. For someone to have access to those kinds of editing programs back then would have cost a fortune and take so much time. I doubt anyone would have the resources or the drive to do that.

I truly hope that they convict this pig. He even pisses on the girl at the end of the video. So nasty...

Tap Once For Head, Twice For...

Bathroom Reading: Sen. Craig to write book about airport sex arrest...

I wonder if this one is going to be a "How To" manual?...It cracks me up that this old fart is still denying that he is "NOT gay and never has been gay". He just has those gay eyes if you ask me. Oh, and the bathroom blow jobs were kind of a give away...

My Gag Reflex Still Works...

Why is it that people still refuse to take a fucking bath before they venture out into the workplace? I'm not talking about the occasional time or if you had taken a shower the night before. No, I'm talking about these stink bombs who are literally on strike from the shampoo bottle and pollute the delicate air that I breathe.

I say this, as I was hit by a cloud of funk while venturing into A Bunch of Pain (Au Bon Pain for those not ITK). My morning ritual consists of logging into my computer, setting up my Ipod for a day of (hopefully) uninterrupted podcast listening and going down to A Bunch of Pain for a bagel, coffee and a large cup of ice for my daily water intake. It seems as though a totally nasty interloper has invaded the area as of late and insists on camping out at a table near the door. Normally, I wouldn't pay much attention to this but if it weren't for the fact that you are immediately accosted by this stench of what seems to be a combination of B.O., grease from unwashed hair and probably bad personal hygiene after waste evacuation.

The guy is obviously in the computer tech field as he has a pocket protector (yes they still make those) and just gives that nerd vibe off hardcore. My question is simply this: Why the fuck have they not pulled this guy aside and coached him on the proper usage of soap and water? I would totally be unable to sit in the vicinity of this person and actually be expected to work. The weather has turned warm and I can only imagine the fog of vapors that surrounds his work station. It's almost like Pigpen from the Peanuts Gang and his dust cloud. IT IS THAT BAD, seriously.

If there is one piece of advise that I can give to you it's simply this: Wash your ass and your clothes regularly...