Weave Me Alone...

"Port St. Lucie woman says ex-boyfriend snatched wig, rode away on bike"

God I love Florida.

Where else can you admit over a cell phone to the police to snatching your ex-girlfriend's wig, slapping her and then riding off into the sunset (well actually it was 3am but you get my drift) without fear of reprisal?

So...she had "naturally blond" hair underneath the black wig? Sounds fishy to me. I'm wondering if the blond hair wasn't a wig as well. And if so, why didn't she use the same glue on the black wig as she did the blond? At least that adhesive held, even with the added smack for good measure. Must have been Gorilla Glue...

The most awesome thing about the whole incident (well, second most awesome thing if you count her not knowing what the hell her ex-boyfriend's last name was...even though she lived with him for 8 months) was that he hung up on the police after they asked his name.

Are we still in the primitive age of not having the basic functions of caller ID? Was his name not programmed into her phone when he called? Actually, from all the evidence provided it might have been misspelled so scratch that one... Can we not call the carrier and get a name? There's enough technology out there to find out who the hell that is if we cared, but obviously, we don't.

I guess it's much more satisfying to speculate and ponder the stupid...at least I think so...

There's One Born Every Minute...

"Woman out $400K to 'Nigerian scam' con artists"

Oh Christ on a stick. The most tragic thing about this story is that her intelligence quotient is low enough for her to agree to her picture being published. Looks like she was victimized yet again for our viewing pleasure.

I have absolutely NO sympathy for this idiot. This is just as bad as those emails that say I have won the Brazilian lottery or that I can get a free laptop by just "clicking here"!

I love the disclaimer at the beginning of the article that states she is no relation to Britney Spears, although they have the same last name. Nice touch...

'Scuse Me Mz While I Knock You Da Fuk Out!...

"Man Beats Teen Girl Over Who Was First at McDonald's"

See what happens when you shoot off your mouth at Mikey D's!

How many times have you been in line, anywhere (BK, Mickey D's, Disneyland, etc...), and you just wanted to beat the living shinola out of someone in line as well? Kudos to this guy!

I'm guessing that the girl was one of those Bratz doll type little ho's with a sense of entitlement bigger than Clay Aiken at a bathhouse and this guy, most likely a thug because, honestly, who else would be that bold and ig'nant to walk up to the front of the line and start placing their Big Mac order? Anyway, I digress...He probably came up and she started with the chicken head bobbing "No he di'ent" routine and he clocked her. Too bad the Ronald McDonald cam video wasn't released. I think it would make for some great popcorn fare...

Psyched Out...Again...

"Wheelchair on plane bursts into flames
Battery fire causes near disaster on British holiday jet carrying 229 passengers"

I can't tell you how excited I was to read this one. It had all the makin's for a hearty chuckle or two and then...it turns out there was actually no one sitting in the God damned chair! I HATE these teaser headlines sometimes!!!!!