And Some People Think I Am Disturbed...

After reading this article, I can truly say that I am grossed out beyond grossed out. It's bad enough to have sex with a dead body but to have sex with one that was pregnant and one with her head dangling off is what REALLY horrifies me.

Actually, I'm curious to see what this degenerate looks like. Thanks for not posting a picture Cincinnati.com! Now, I'll spend my lunch looking for his mugshot due to my sick sense of curiosity...

Tragic, But There Is A Bright Side...

"Model Loses Hands, Feet to Severe Infection"

Model pics

This really sucks. Thank God her talent was playing the piano with her tits. She can still compete. She's just got to find a way to tape the high heels to her ankles..

I Hope It Was Trans-Fat Free Oil...

"Cosmetic surgery addict injected cooking oil into her own face"

This chick is probably one of the most pathetic creatures on the face of the earth.

So...is there anyone out there that would agree her rational for using her head as a pin cushion was: a) logical b) practical c) a sign that Obamamania has gotten out of control?

Looking at her pictures, it's hard to fault her for wanting to puff out her fucking face because it looks like a deflated balloon now that they let all the air out. I would think that by the time my face started rebelling against the surgeon's knife I would have thought twice about going back and said, "That's a wrap".

I believe this is a real disorder where people have addictions to plastic surgery. Another famous case that comes to mind besides the alien known as Michael Jackson is Jocelyne Wildenstein, or "Bride of Wildenstein" or "Wildebeast" as she is more commonly known as. Everytime I see her picture, I think of Rocky Dennis from the movie "Mask" starring the also afflicted Cher. Small world...

My First Time...

So...I think that I saw my first prolapsed ass the other night at the gym. I have previously spoken of the Creepy Old Guys at the gym who mysteriously appear in the locker room walking around naked.

They really have no business there as they aren't using the cardio equipment, weight lifting equipment, pool or sauna. They are JUST THERE. Anyway, I digress...Well the other night, one of these blue hairs was walking in this strange sort of awkward shuffle. He wasn't lifting his feet off the floor, just scooting them forward as he "walked", or hobbled if you will. Anyway, he was naked, of course, and as he rounded the corner ever so slowly I happened to look at his ass and saw what looked like his butthole hanging down below his ass cheeks. It was, in the utmost sincerity, one of the most disgusting things I have seen in a long while.

I am still scarred mentally I fear and now am really turned off to the fact that every time I enter that den of horror (the locker room) these crusty looking creatures are going to be there lurking. What's worse is that they sit on the benches in that locker room naked, and if they have these appendages, which almost look like the creatures from Aliens, birthing out of their rectums...Yuck, I can't even finish that sentence but you know what I'm getting at.

I am seriously wondering what can be done about these weirdos in the locker room...It's so gross.

I'll Have The Scrambled Eggs And A Side of Moonshine...

"Tenn. bus driver accused of DUI with kids aboard"

Oh Christ on a cross! When are these hillbillies going to learn that you drop the kids off before you hit the bottle and not vice versa?

I like how she calmly just strolls out into the center of the street and takes a nap. She couldn't have been that fucked up as she managed to at least pick up all her stops. I can totally see her doing the drunk navigational trick of driving with one eye closed to avoid the old double vision fairy.

Now what I really want to know is if she had curlers still in her hair and if she actually took her dentures out before she passed out; you know anyone in Tennessee over the age of 15 doesn't have all their teeth, well their own teeth anyway...

Beware The Wind And Don't Go Swimming!

"'Bangkok' Wins Box Office Without a Bang"

Ummm, what the hell???

Can anyone please tell me what the hell is happening on top of this man's head lately? It seems that every movie he has made in the past few years has him wearing a horrible wig or has his hair dyed this unnatural shade of black/blonde/blue/red/green (take your pick).

I have said this a thousand times and I will say it again: MEN, if your fucking hair is falling out or thinning - JUST SHAVE YOUR HEAD OR GO BALD. KEEP IT SHORT!

If you wear a toupee/wig/rug, whatever, you are going to be noticed, immediately. I can tell a rug from a mile away - AND I WILL STARE AT IT. I can't help it. It looks fucking ridiculous!

If you get hair plugs, I can also tell. They look even worse! Just accept your fate and at the very least, shave your head if it is that disturbing to you. Stop this madness people!

Priorities Askew...

"Designer vaginas blacklisted"

Does this thong make my pussy look fat?

Ah, the Australians. Love 'em!

It always amazes me that people will do anything for vanity's sake. Honestly, all vags look the same to me. I would be more worried about the odor it emits than the fact that one beef curtain is lopsided or hangs lower than the other, but to each their own I suppose.

This is really no different than men trying to have their penises enlarged. While the fantasy is to have one that is so large it makes your partner squeal with delight, it not always is the best or most practical thing to possess. I speak from experience. It's my cross that I bear...LOL...A girl can dream, right?...

So, the funniest thing about this is the idiot who brought in a picture of a Brazilian model's hoo-hoo. Maybe I should bring in a picture of Oprah's checking account to my bank and say "Make mine look like that!" also. Funny how people have these unrealistic expectations when it comes to looks and sex. It's been said so many times before that we can make a 90 year old man bone up for up to 4 hours or make tits look like floatation devices but we can't cure the common cold. Seems like our priorities are lost somewhere between the make-up bag and the plastic surgeon's knife...

Now that I've gotten off my soapbox, I need to come up with a plan for that chemical peel and lipo I've always wanted...

You Have What?...

So I was looking for things to post about yesterday and came across a phobia site that was somewhat entertaining.

Looking through the list of phobias, I saw some that were totally ridiculous. Such as:

Cacophobia: Fear of ugliness. Well, if you had this phobia you totally wouldn't last here in my building because there are some ugly mothers wandering these halls...

Clinophobia: Fear of going to bed. Sounds like something made up for the Nightmare on Elm Street franchise. This must be a hoax as it sounds completely ridiculous...

Liticaphobia: Fear of lawsuits. The actual paperwork or the idea of a lawsuit? Or the fact that money will be flying out of your account into a lawyers?...

Logophobia: Fear of words. 5 3785 5632 905 7538 257 75 32859?...

Plutophobia: Fear of wealth. Obviously something a Jewish person has never been afflicted with (I kid, I kid)...

Rhytiphobia: Fear of getting wrinkles. It's called vanity, hello. This affliction leads to the deadly Botoxaphobia, the fear of your dermatologist going on vacation around your next scheduled injection...

Sounds like people are trying to come up with diseases to account for being just plain crazy...