"Tenn. bus driver accused of DUI with kids aboard"
Oh Christ on a cross! When are these hillbillies going to learn that you drop the kids off before you hit the bottle and not vice versa?
I like how she calmly just strolls out into the center of the street and takes a nap. She couldn't have been that fucked up as she managed to at least pick up all her stops. I can totally see her doing the drunk navigational trick of driving with one eye closed to avoid the old double vision fairy.
Now what I really want to know is if she had curlers still in her hair and if she actually took her dentures out before she passed out; you know anyone in Tennessee over the age of 15 doesn't have all their teeth, well their own teeth anyway...
Showing posts with label rednecks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rednecks. Show all posts
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Friday, August 1, 2008
As Long As We Are On The Redneck Theme...
ARKANSAS STATE RESIDENCY APPLICATION
Name: ________________ (_) Billy-Bob (last) (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_)
Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack (_) Billy-Jefferson (Check appropriate box)
Age: ____ Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A
Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right
Occupation: (_)Farmer (_)Mechanic (_)Hair Dresser (_)Unemployed
Spouse's Name: __________________________
Relationship with spouse: (_) Sister (_) Brother (_) Aunt (_) Uncle (_) Cousin (_) Mother (_) Father (_) Son (_) Daughter (_) Pet
Number of children living in household: ___ Number that are yours: ___
Mother's Name: ____________ Father's Name:___________ (If not sure, leave blank)
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)
___ Total number of vehicles you own ___ Number of vehicles that still crank ___ Number of vehicles in front yard ___ Number of vehicles in back yard ___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks
Firearms you own and where you keep them: ____ truck ____ bedroom ____ bathroom ____ kitchen ____ shed
Model and year of your pickup: ___________194_
Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to: (_)The National Enquirer (_)The Globe (_)TV Guide (_)Soap Opera Digest
___ Number of times you've seen a UFO ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO
How often do you bathe: (_)Weekly (_)Monthly (_)Not Applicable
Color of teeth: (_)Yellow (_)Brownish-Yellow (_)Brown (_)Black (_)N/A
Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: (_)Red-Man
How far is your home from a paved road? (_)1 mile (_)2 miles (_)don't know
Name: ________________ (_) Billy-Bob (last) (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_)
Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack (_) Billy-Jefferson (Check appropriate box)
Age: ____ Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A
Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right
Occupation: (_)Farmer (_)Mechanic (_)Hair Dresser (_)Unemployed
Spouse's Name: __________________________
Relationship with spouse: (_) Sister (_) Brother (_) Aunt (_) Uncle (_) Cousin (_) Mother (_) Father (_) Son (_) Daughter (_) Pet
Number of children living in household: ___ Number that are yours: ___
Mother's Name: ____________ Father's Name:___________ (If not sure, leave blank)
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)
___ Total number of vehicles you own ___ Number of vehicles that still crank ___ Number of vehicles in front yard ___ Number of vehicles in back yard ___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks
Firearms you own and where you keep them: ____ truck ____ bedroom ____ bathroom ____ kitchen ____ shed
Model and year of your pickup: ___________194_
Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to: (_)The National Enquirer (_)The Globe (_)TV Guide (_)Soap Opera Digest
___ Number of times you've seen a UFO ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO
How often do you bathe: (_)Weekly (_)Monthly (_)Not Applicable
Color of teeth: (_)Yellow (_)Brownish-Yellow (_)Brown (_)Black (_)N/A
Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: (_)Red-Man
How far is your home from a paved road? (_)1 mile (_)2 miles (_)don't know
Future Workman's Comp Claim?...
"Alleged thief stuck under trash bin for 12 hours "
Check out the photo that accompanies this article from Yahoo News. A classic!
It's a redneck day here at Tittybits I suppose, ha ha ha.
I love the quote at the end of this masterpiece, "It was right disgusting," he said. "I wouldn't be under there." I can only agree 100% with that statement. Can you imagine what kind of critters and yuck reside under those damn bins? There has got to be traces of shit, piss and vomit down there and I'm not talking about your favorite hooker's panties either! Makes me totally nauseous, so gross...
So the guy was under there at least 12 hours for about $10.00 worth of copper. That works out to roughly $.83 an hour. And with the severe "working conditions", it hardly seems like the job was worth the effort. Perhaps a career change to, oh, let's say, picking cans and bottles off the sides of the highway or from supermarket dumpsters would be in order. It certainly would be at least a lateral move if not a step up from face down garbage munching.
And what in the hell is that green shit on the bottoms of his shoes? The answer may be something that I really don't want to know but the mystery will surely keep my mind occupied for the next few minutes anyway.
Some more redneck jokes for your pleasure (come on, I know you like these):
Q: How do you know the toothbrush was invented by a redneck?
A: Because it would have been named a teethbrush if someone else had.
Q: What do you call a bunch of tractors parked in front of a McDonald's on Friday night in Iowa?
A: Prom.
Check out the photo that accompanies this article from Yahoo News. A classic!
It's a redneck day here at Tittybits I suppose, ha ha ha.
I love the quote at the end of this masterpiece, "It was right disgusting," he said. "I wouldn't be under there." I can only agree 100% with that statement. Can you imagine what kind of critters and yuck reside under those damn bins? There has got to be traces of shit, piss and vomit down there and I'm not talking about your favorite hooker's panties either! Makes me totally nauseous, so gross...
So the guy was under there at least 12 hours for about $10.00 worth of copper. That works out to roughly $.83 an hour. And with the severe "working conditions", it hardly seems like the job was worth the effort. Perhaps a career change to, oh, let's say, picking cans and bottles off the sides of the highway or from supermarket dumpsters would be in order. It certainly would be at least a lateral move if not a step up from face down garbage munching.
And what in the hell is that green shit on the bottoms of his shoes? The answer may be something that I really don't want to know but the mystery will surely keep my mind occupied for the next few minutes anyway.
Some more redneck jokes for your pleasure (come on, I know you like these):
Q: How do you know the toothbrush was invented by a redneck?
A: Because it would have been named a teethbrush if someone else had.
Q: What do you call a bunch of tractors parked in front of a McDonald's on Friday night in Iowa?
A: Prom.
Momma, Daddy Dun Blow'd Up...
"Conway Man Dies Tampering With Electric Meter"
I guess that was a bad idea...
This story just screams redneck from head to toe:
Exhibit A: The name of the "victim" Lonnie Montgomery. The only way this would have been any better is if his name had "Jr." attached.
Exhibit B: The scene of the crime, Skunk Hollow Road. This name is pure gold! Reminds me of that Sissy Spacek movie "The Coal Miner's Daughter". They lived down in the "holler".
Exhibit C: The use of jumper cables to power your trailer. Well I can't be quite sure that it was a trailer but I do have to give him the benefit of the doubt. I digress...Who else would have the ingenuity and sheer genius intellect to think that a pair of jumper cables would be sufficient in directing massive electrical current into your home from a meter box? Sure, there are a lot of non-hillbillies out there who would do the same thing BUT would they still be clutching the damn thing till the very end I ask you? No, I didn't think so...
Here are a few redneck jokes that I came across recently:
Q: What do you call 32 Rednecks in one room?
A: A full set of teeth.
Q: What has 132 legs and 8 teeth?
A: The front row of a Garth Brooks concert!
A Letter From A Redneck Mother To Her Son:
Dear Son,
I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved. Won't be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here took the numbers with them for their house, so they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seen 'em since.
It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the second time.
The coat you wanted me to send to you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
We got a bill from the funeral home, and it said if we didn't make the final payment on Grandma's funeral bill, up she comes.
About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether if it is a boy or a girl so don't know if you are an Aunt or Uncle.
Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to get him out, but he fought them off playfully, so he drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup. One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. The other 2 drowned. They couldn't get the tail gate down.
Not much more news this time. Nothing much happened. If you don't get this letter, please let me know and I will send another one.
Love, Ma
I guess that was a bad idea...
This story just screams redneck from head to toe:
Exhibit A: The name of the "victim" Lonnie Montgomery. The only way this would have been any better is if his name had "Jr." attached.
Exhibit B: The scene of the crime, Skunk Hollow Road. This name is pure gold! Reminds me of that Sissy Spacek movie "The Coal Miner's Daughter". They lived down in the "holler".
Exhibit C: The use of jumper cables to power your trailer. Well I can't be quite sure that it was a trailer but I do have to give him the benefit of the doubt. I digress...Who else would have the ingenuity and sheer genius intellect to think that a pair of jumper cables would be sufficient in directing massive electrical current into your home from a meter box? Sure, there are a lot of non-hillbillies out there who would do the same thing BUT would they still be clutching the damn thing till the very end I ask you? No, I didn't think so...
Here are a few redneck jokes that I came across recently:
Q: What do you call 32 Rednecks in one room?
A: A full set of teeth.
Q: What has 132 legs and 8 teeth?
A: The front row of a Garth Brooks concert!
A Letter From A Redneck Mother To Her Son:
Dear Son,
I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved. Won't be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here took the numbers with them for their house, so they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seen 'em since.
It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the second time.
The coat you wanted me to send to you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
We got a bill from the funeral home, and it said if we didn't make the final payment on Grandma's funeral bill, up she comes.
About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether if it is a boy or a girl so don't know if you are an Aunt or Uncle.
Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to get him out, but he fought them off playfully, so he drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup. One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. The other 2 drowned. They couldn't get the tail gate down.
Not much more news this time. Nothing much happened. If you don't get this letter, please let me know and I will send another one.
Love, Ma
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