Octo-Mom...

I'm already getting tired of this dimwit. Please world, enough of the Octo-Mom! If you ignore her she will go away...Of course she's going to steal our tax dollars on the way out but at least she will go away!

Happy Birthday KatMist!!!

Sign up on Facebook already, damn...

Gazongas Galore...

"Record-Breaking Breasts"

Melons

Um...What was this idiot thinking? Someone needs to tell her that she looks like she has a naked ass on her chest...and not in a good way.

I seriously think that those things smell like cheese in the folds under the actual boobs. How can she possibly reach around and clean under there? For that matter, how can she put on her damn socks and shoes!!! Something tells me she's probably wearing stilettos though. It's kind of hard to swing around a stripper pole in flats...

I Hope It Was Trans-Fat Free Oil...

"Cosmetic surgery addict injected cooking oil into her own face"

This chick is probably one of the most pathetic creatures on the face of the earth.

So...is there anyone out there that would agree her rational for using her head as a pin cushion was: a) logical b) practical c) a sign that Obamamania has gotten out of control?

Looking at her pictures, it's hard to fault her for wanting to puff out her fucking face because it looks like a deflated balloon now that they let all the air out. I would think that by the time my face started rebelling against the surgeon's knife I would have thought twice about going back and said, "That's a wrap".

I believe this is a real disorder where people have addictions to plastic surgery. Another famous case that comes to mind besides the alien known as Michael Jackson is Jocelyne Wildenstein, or "Bride of Wildenstein" or "Wildebeast" as she is more commonly known as. Everytime I see her picture, I think of Rocky Dennis from the movie "Mask" starring the also afflicted Cher. Small world...

Lies! Lies! All Lies!...

"Janet Jackson Hospitalized"

She pulls this stunt every few years. She goes in for plastic surgery and comes out having "lost weight" from the illness. LOL! Brilliant. What's better is that people fall for it every single time...

Hopefully she'll lose that mohawk she performs in concert with as well when she is "released"...

No Shit Sherlock...

"CLAY: I'M GAY AIKEN"

Duh...

Girlfriend Needs To Get A Grip...

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Creepy Old Guys...

I would like to know why there are always old creepy guys haunting the locker rooms at gyms?

I go to a certain gym which will remain nameless (rhymes with Bally's) and there are always these crusty old men walking around naked in the locker room. They are usually wet and have no towel in plain site. They almost remind me of those soggy rats you see on made for television horror movies running around city sewer systems after some apocalyptic catastrophe.

Sometimes they are "drying" themselves off with the wall unit air dryers made for your hands. I saw a very wrinkly fellow a few days ago pulling his ass cheeks apart and placing said ass in the airflow of the dryer. Not a pretty sight by any means. He turns around and is combing out his white pubic hair with his fingers in the airflow as well. Wouldn't it be more sanitary to use a towel. Sanitary for me? Like I want to go and use that dryer after this old guy put his fingers in his ass crack and through his pubes all the while adjusting the nozzle on the dryer and pushing the big chrome button to turn it on. I don't want my hand touching that thing after all that.

I always feel like I should say something but don't want to cause a scene. The funny thing is you never see these guys working out. They are just there in the locker room...naked...

Overexposed...

If I hear one more God damn thing about Micheal fucking Phelps I swear I am going to commit suicide by jumping in front of the first commuter train that comes into the local station!

Can the media give this guy any MORE coverage? Seriously? I mean it's not like there are other athletes there in Beijing or anything. It's not like I haven't heard every little factoid on his life. I want more! Please oh please!!!

I had to laugh at how every aspect of this guy's life is scrutinized, dissected and spun in ways to make it appear that he was on some collision course with destiny and how he is this great embodiment of the athletic ideal in the pool and out. How every American should aspire to be like Phelps. We should all bow to the alter of Michael and sacrifice our first born in his honor. YET, everyone of these diatribes and homages fail to mention his drunk driving arrest after the last Olympics. Typical of the American media...

Memories...

"Teen Sues Teacher for Calling Her Ugly"

Ah, the joys of high school...

I would love to see a picture of this kid. Perhaps she is ugly and a singing telegram might not be the best occupation for her. And she may also be a brat or trouble maker as the teacher so eloquently put it.

Then again the teacher might be a total asshole. You never know. I'd love to see what really happened and what led up to the incident...

Is That A Banana In Your Pocket Or Do I Just Start Blowing You Here?...

"Women arrested in sex competition"

Finally a sport that I could feasibly get into!

So, my first question would be: How much was the first place prize worth? And my second question is: How much time would I get to "practice"?

You know these were stupid college girls all drunk on holiday getting loud and obnoxious in a bar. The bar owners probably saw an "in" when one of them most likely got on the bar and started to drop cloth and the idea was probably born at that time.

Ah, the memories of college life come flying back. The late night parties. The enormous amounts of booze and cigarettes. The vomitous climax after crawling back to the dorm. Good times, good times...

I'll Take A Number 1 With A Side Of Discrimination...

"I'm Not Lovin' It: Hearing Impaired Woman Sues McDonald's Over Refusal to Use Drive-Thru"

Another frivolous lawsuit...

Well, this one is so ridiculous I don't know where to start first of all, if you are feeding your kids fucking fast food all the time you need to be slapped upside the head.

The article states that on 3 occasions this particular Mickey D's did not "accommodate" her and "Other McDonald's restaurants in Lincoln have accommodated Tumeh, Mora James said." She also states that "other drive-thru, fast-food restaurants have a policy to allow deaf and hard-of-hearing people to order at the drive-thru window.", implying that she has been through these before and has first hand knowledge of their practices. Stay at home and cook a healthy meal for your autistic children you idiot. I go to McDonalds probably 3 times a year and that's out of sheer desperation for leaving my lunch at home or having been forced to while traveling...

Secondly, if your too lazy to get the fuck out of the car and go inside, regardless of your children's issues, then again STAY HOME! Why should the rest of society cow toe to you because you got dealt some shitty cards in the game of life? Recent studies have shown a child's nutritional intake can affect their physical and mental state and may lead to things such as autism. How about spending time researching your child's issues instead of wasting time suing others over stupid shit.

Here's the reason why they won't let her order at the window. When you place an order at a drive-thru, your order is automatically put in a queue and made in the order that they are placed. In theory, if you are the 3rd person in a line your order will be made third. This helps the employee keep track of who has what and keeps the line moving.

If you order at the window, this fucks up the whole queue and then your order has to be put in front of all the rest and, in essence, the rest of the people's food, which may or may not be on the grill at that time (ready to come off) will get cold leading to complaints and orders having to be remade. What does this equal?- Wasted food, as those items will get trashed because they are not up to standard and will also lead to wasted profits as the money spent on that order is literally "thrown away" and more money wasted as new product has to be used. Not to mention, you have basically caused everyone behind you to wait longer because your ass had to order at the window and couldn't just walk in, basically defeating the purpose of a "FAST FOOD DRIVE-THRU". Hence the term FAST...

Also, if the other Mikey D's accommodated her, I would like to know at what time of the day was that specifically? How many cars were there in line? How many orders were there at the time? If there were none, it wouldn't be a problem. Also, at what locations? Some locations have less business than others and can be far less busy and have the time to do so for the deaf woman.

McDonalds theoretically could have helped her but the question is at what cost would that have been to do so? I see 2 solutions to this issue if you absolutely HAVE TO go to Mc's to feed your kids:

1) Write the order down before you go to the restaurant and walk in and give it to the cashier at the front counter. This speeds up the order process for both of you and you spend less time having to wrangle your kids up at the counter. You can sit and wait while the order is being processed and everyone's happy.

2) If you absolutely have to order at the window, do so and you'll have to park your ass in a parking space and wait while that order comes up in the system. That way people behind you are still getting theirs made in a timely fashion and able to physically receive those orders in the window and wouldn't have to wait while your is being processed while their Big Macs are sitting in a bag waiting for you to move your ass from the window. I'm sure they probably gave her this option and it would be interesting to see if she turned that down and refused to park.

Either way, it's a stupid lawsuit. The next thing that will happen is that restaurants will get sued for not having someone at the window who understands every fucking foreign language thereby making the ordering process racist and exclusionary...

Lindsey Lohan In About 30 Years...

"Stripper, 80, still taking her clothes off"

Ewwww...

After seeing those hands of hers, I thank the powers that be and the online editor for not showing us the Full Monty in this article...

Fat Guy In Little Coat...

Ever see these buffaloes in those Hoover Round scooters who are so enormous, they can't even walk anymore and simply live in one of these things? Well, we have one here in our building, and she's a bitch extraordinaire.

So, I'm at my usual morning haunt, A Bunch of Pain, and I see Miss Universe (I call her that because she thinks the world revolves around her) sitting in front of the cookie/brownie display case looking all pissed off. From previous experience and run ins, I make it a point to totally AVOID her ass as she has intentionally run over my foot once before after I asked her to "please scoot over" in the elevator lobby as she was literally blocking the fucking entryway, but I digress...

Anyway, I grab my bagel after some maneuvering as she is right next to the poppy seeds and get in line. Meanwhile she is thumbing through the case looking for what, I assume, is the perfect cookie. As I am being rung up, she makes it a point to rip the poor girl a new butthole because the cookies have now gotten smaller, or so she believes they have, over the past year and she feels she's entitled to a "free" few (not one but a few). The girl is telling her that she is sorry, but she can't do that and the woman grabs her bag of cookies (she actually purchased about 4 or 5) and speeds off into the sunset griping.

The whole time I am thinking what a total lonely bitch this woman must be. She is seriously off putting, as displayed by her demeanor towards others, and the fact that she uses that GD chair as a weapon certainly doesn't help her cause either. Sad. I'm surprised that engine has held up this long. I remember her screaming at someone once that she was "handicapped" and the person said, "No, you're just fat!"...

Blackhole Or Void-Of-All-Color-Hole?...

"Texas County Official Sees Race in Term 'Black Hole'"

Give me a break!

Seriously, I am getting so sick of people crying racism every time they have a chance to. Then when there actually IS a legitimate case of racism that happens, no one actually cares about it or has some doubt to it's authenticity.

I'm mixed myself and do I get all up in arms when someone makes a comment about drunk Indians or Wetbacks? Not really. Do I care? Not really. I have more important things to worry about like bills, food, entertainment and of course my fat little pugs.

Take the high road people and get over it. If you make issues out of nothing, not only does your point get buried in the drama, people are not going to care about your point as a result. In fact, the next time you have an important point to make, you are not going to be heard.

Back to the article...Do I think that the guy was being racist when he said "blackhole"? Absolutely not. Do I think that the people who took offense to this were being racist, ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY! They intentionally used the racism card to scare the guy from the topic and shift it to another area that was completely off topic. They were using the perception of being "thought of as a racist" to scare someone into complying with their side of the issue. This is actually a great tool to use in debate, so the accusers are somewhat savvy to this I suspect.

All in all, I wish people would just get over it and get their own lives straight...

More Stunts To Cause A Riff...

"Black national anthem' stirs controversy for city"

Why start this kind of uproar?

This is what I am talking about. If you are picked to sing the national anthem, then sing the national anthem. Don't insert your own agenda into the proceedings.

If this had been a "White national anthem" sung by a white lady, Al Sharpton would have been on TV, Jesse Jackson would have thrown his hat into the foray and all hell would have broken loose.

People cry about racism and discrimination but the same groups that make the most noise always separate themselves with antics like this and feed the fire. The more we separate ourselves the less chance we have of overcoming racism. It's heartbreaking actually and infuriating at the same time...

I Know You Are But What Am I?,,,

"Bolivian President Calls Peruvian Head of State 'Fat,' Incites War of Words"

Yo mama is fat!

Too funny! They look so happy in the picture. I can just imagine what these two say about each other in private. So high school...

I guess there is a lot worse things that the guy could have said. Such as "Your mama wears combat boots" or "Go fly a kite"...

Tennis Bitches...

"Tennis Champ Justin Gimelstob Says He Wants to Make Anna Kournikova Cry"

It wasn't that bad, come on...

I laughed so hard when I read this. I think that the press is making this into a dramatic affair rather than what it was, a joke. If you knew who Gimelstob was before the diatribe heard 'round the world, then you would realize that he was probably making fun of her in a light-hearted manner. Besides, she is a bitch and never really amounted to anything on the tennis court. She never won a title and actually, I don't think she was really into the whole work ethic thing. She partied way more than she played.

The media has now replaced her with that ugly snatch Maria Sharpova and this is one person I don't get. She doesn't look particularly stunning and in fact she looks quite average, but they play her up as this Playboy centerfold. She has zero personality and most of the women on tour can't stand her because of her attitude and diva demands.

I read that a concierge at the Plaza in NYC was fired for addressing her personally when carrying her bags. Apparently, we mere mortals are not to address her or look at her unless specifically asked to by her majesty. I also watched a match between her and Tatiana Golovin on ESPN one night and she was getting her ass kicked until Golovin rolled her ankle. Scare-a-pova then acted like a douchebag and didn't even have the courtesy to go to the net and ask if she was okay. I think she actually asked for a time delay violation be given for the injury at one point. The announcers were really taken aback and Mary Carillo (one of the most famous female sportscasters, and former tennis pro herself) called Sharapova "cold". She eventually turned her back to the girl as she lay there crying. I totally thought she was a piece of crap after I saw that.

I also read an interview during this years Franch open with Mary Pierce and they asked her who was the one women she disliked on tour and she said right off the bat, "Sharapova". LOL...

Another Liar Sniffed Out...

"Columbia Noose Professor Likely to Be Fired for Plagiarism"

Her next teaching assignment should be Scamming 101...

What a bleeding con artist! Now, when this chick first came to my attention, I was sitting at the computer eating Lucky Charms checking out the news sites, with Good Morning America on in the background, and it was about the time when all that bullshit noose propaganda was abound and the Imus story had just hit. Al Sharpton was all over the airwaves and Jesse Jackson was at home planning his angle on the media. I immediately thought she was full of shit.

I totally suspected that she probably planted that noose herself in an attempt to gain some sort of publicity. What better way than to play on the nation's racial tension issues and slight propriety to jump to conclusions; fear mongering if you will. Why else would she have a fucking speech prepared and several media outlets there at a moments notice? Turns out it was a distraction from her plagiarism case! Of course she tried to link them and say that she was being persecuted but I am not that easily swayed. Besides, the cynic in me doesn't believe anyone really so I knew she was trying to play the victim in some capacity.

It's people like this that make me not give a shit about racial issues. There are, of course, legitimate conflicts that need to be dealt with but at the same time you have idiot fame whores like this "professor", of psychology no less, trying to get into the spotlight with false accusations and lies and it makes the whole process look like a pile of fermenting dog poo. I like the fact that her ass is on the chopping block but how about fining her and sending her ass to jail. Make an example of this douchebag...

Suck In The Gut Baby... Redux...

I also saw this winner on the news last night and I was right, as I wrote earlier in the week here, she is a pig. She was giving an interview with a reporter and came off as a total golddigger. First of all, she's in her 50's. Not to say that women of a certain age can't wear sexy undies, but would you really want to see that? And don't bring up Kim Cattrall...there are always exceptions, of course, and this mess was not even close. Secondly, I saw no sign of trauma to her eye or any lasting effects and it seemed like she was just totally looking for a way to bank some quick dough...