Showing posts with label child prodigy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label child prodigy. Show all posts
Monday, February 9, 2009
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
The Shit Hits The Fan...
So...It seems that not only is there a thief running around our building stealing shit from others (yesterday someone's lunch was stolen out of the God damn microwave if you can believe that. Add it to the list: My ring, bottles of orange juice, items off of a person's desk) now there is a renegade toilet non-flusher/vandal.
I go into the men's room to relieve myself and just happen to walk into a stall that someone obviously had been in recently - as there was a huge turd circling the calm waters of the porcelain God. But wait! It gets better...This was no ordinary log, no, this one had (cue mystery sound effects: "dun dun dun!")...hair growing out of it! Yes, that's right, it was a fucking hairy ass brown loaf, right there in the toilet! I was so grossed out I came right back to my desk and grabbed my phone so I could take a picture of this raunchy site. I am debating whether to add this photo to the post as it would certainly ruin my reputation of high brow material but then again...
This left me thinking, how does one get their shit to grow hair, literally? Several theories abound here in the office (you think I would keep this discovery to myself? Please...). Maybe they like to eat their own hair? Maybe it's an underdeveloped twin that was living inside their colon and was expelled. Maybe it's some type of voodoo ritual? Whatever the case, it's large and mean looking. I just think that judging by the size of the damn thing the owner didn't have the heart to flush it. I'm sure they were in labor for quite a spell and then realized that the act of flushing this being, especially since it had hair, would be too much to bear so they unleashed it upon the next unsuspecting sap who walked in. Unfortunately that had to be me...
I go into the men's room to relieve myself and just happen to walk into a stall that someone obviously had been in recently - as there was a huge turd circling the calm waters of the porcelain God. But wait! It gets better...This was no ordinary log, no, this one had (cue mystery sound effects: "dun dun dun!")...hair growing out of it! Yes, that's right, it was a fucking hairy ass brown loaf, right there in the toilet! I was so grossed out I came right back to my desk and grabbed my phone so I could take a picture of this raunchy site. I am debating whether to add this photo to the post as it would certainly ruin my reputation of high brow material but then again...
This left me thinking, how does one get their shit to grow hair, literally? Several theories abound here in the office (you think I would keep this discovery to myself? Please...). Maybe they like to eat their own hair? Maybe it's an underdeveloped twin that was living inside their colon and was expelled. Maybe it's some type of voodoo ritual? Whatever the case, it's large and mean looking. I just think that judging by the size of the damn thing the owner didn't have the heart to flush it. I'm sure they were in labor for quite a spell and then realized that the act of flushing this being, especially since it had hair, would be too much to bear so they unleashed it upon the next unsuspecting sap who walked in. Unfortunately that had to be me...
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Daddy Dearest...
"Bin Laden's son in web terror rant"
The Crown Prince of Terror? Looks more like a reject straight out of that Breakin' movie from the 80's, headband and all!
I say they find this little shit and bomb him too. In a few years we'll be regretting that we didn't.
It's really sad that a whole group of people are so into their religious beliefs that they are ruled by them. I love God (or whatever higher being you prefer) but I'm not going to kill every single person out there that disagrees with what I believe. I think that the Bible is a great work of fiction, somewhat akin to Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes, that teaches great lessons in compassion, trust, hope and charity but you can not take it literally. I think there are some moments there that are absolutely true and I think some moments are exaggerated and then some are pure fiction. Being able to decipher which is which makes you, dare I say- sane and functional. But I digress...
This kid is a powder keg waiting for someone to light the fuse. I actually feel sorry for this terrorist offspring in that he was probably raised and brainwashed, since he was in diapers, to believe that people from the evil West are scum. I would say that it's probably too late to reeducate him at this point but it certainly is not to late to save the rest of the world from another 9/11 or tube bombing, as was perpetrated in England.
You know he is just itching to make a statement that will enamour him to the many Bin Laden minions, but one that will also tell the world that he has arrived. Something bigger and better than what his father has done...something to make dad proud of his son. Scary thought...
The Crown Prince of Terror? Looks more like a reject straight out of that Breakin' movie from the 80's, headband and all!
I say they find this little shit and bomb him too. In a few years we'll be regretting that we didn't.
It's really sad that a whole group of people are so into their religious beliefs that they are ruled by them. I love God (or whatever higher being you prefer) but I'm not going to kill every single person out there that disagrees with what I believe. I think that the Bible is a great work of fiction, somewhat akin to Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes, that teaches great lessons in compassion, trust, hope and charity but you can not take it literally. I think there are some moments there that are absolutely true and I think some moments are exaggerated and then some are pure fiction. Being able to decipher which is which makes you, dare I say- sane and functional. But I digress...
This kid is a powder keg waiting for someone to light the fuse. I actually feel sorry for this terrorist offspring in that he was probably raised and brainwashed, since he was in diapers, to believe that people from the evil West are scum. I would say that it's probably too late to reeducate him at this point but it certainly is not to late to save the rest of the world from another 9/11 or tube bombing, as was perpetrated in England.
You know he is just itching to make a statement that will enamour him to the many Bin Laden minions, but one that will also tell the world that he has arrived. Something bigger and better than what his father has done...something to make dad proud of his son. Scary thought...
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
I Think He Described The Room Quite Well Actually...
"British Student Writes Nothing but Expletive on Exam, Gets Credit for Spelling"
What, no punctuation? How rude!
I'm trying to think if my English teacher from high school, Mr. Horton, would have given me credit for writing "Fuck off" on the final essay exam. I think maybe not. Although he was my uncle's best friend and I had seen him "fucked up" on quite a few occasions.
Perhaps I could have used the drunken partying and puke incidents as some sort of blackmail thingy to get a good grade. Oh well, you live and you learn. I did end up with an A-...fucker...he couldn't at least bump it up to an A!!!!
What, no punctuation? How rude!
I'm trying to think if my English teacher from high school, Mr. Horton, would have given me credit for writing "Fuck off" on the final essay exam. I think maybe not. Although he was my uncle's best friend and I had seen him "fucked up" on quite a few occasions.
Perhaps I could have used the drunken partying and puke incidents as some sort of blackmail thingy to get a good grade. Oh well, you live and you learn. I did end up with an A-...fucker...he couldn't at least bump it up to an A!!!!
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