So recently, as I was perusing the annuls of some my friends Facebook accounts I see a picture of a girl that I used to know when I was in high school. Mind you I didn't just know her, I HATED her. Now hate is a pretty strong word you might be saying and I would agree, and I don't tend to use the word lightly. This being said, you can understand that my gut reaction to seeing her picture was one of utter vomit inducing chagrin. Although the name has changed, her beady little eyes are the same...
A little background to the story. I'm pretty sure she grew up poor. Her sister was of dubious infamy and she was not attractive. She had a lot of strikes against her but I got along with her at first. Even defended her when people made a snide comment about her. She was basically a wall flower and generally likable.
Then...one day she wins a student council election and the next thing you know she thinks she's the homecoming queen. She starts acting different towards people and becomes a totally changed person. Starts dressing better, actually starts wearing decent make-up. I think she is doing well for herself until her head gets bigger than it should have.
But I digress... that's not why I hate her. I guess her new status entitles her be free to say whatever she wants, or so she feels so, and then...calls me faggot because I didn't care for something she made in class as a project. I wasn't rude about it I just wasn't fawning over it. She got a laugh and then felt it was "okay" to continue to call me that whenever she wanted. The fact that she used to call me a "faggot" is why I didn't like this asshole. The fact that she used to do it in front of people is why I hated her. The fact that she would laugh afterward in her funny little Spanish accent is why I HATED her.
So my question is this: Is it still okay to despise someone after all this time? Is this something that we naturally feel or is it something that I have conjured up to hold onto past feelings? I actually haven't thought about her at all until I saw that picture. Interesting thought...
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6 comments:
There's a lot I could say about possible miscontruations of the situation, but I won't because whatever I say is ultimately irrelevant.
What I will say is, how could it possibly serve you well to still hate someone you haven't seen in nearly 20 years and will likely never see again? In general, grudges only hurt the individual holding them. I've found that letting go of such feelings is one of the greatest senses of relief that a person can experience.
Have pondered this most of the day. I might lose sleep over it tonight. But I agree with Slave, after 20 years, let the hate go. Then direct it to the people who have wronged you more recently, say the past 5 years.
@ Slave: I would actually LOVE to hear how I could have possibly miscontrued being called a faggot? Please indulge me...
@ Katmist: Dammit! I knew your were going to say that! Since I haven't seen you in the past 5 years I guess I can scratch you off the list as well...
Actually, I was really referring more to a few things. One, your assessment of her was not accurate. Looking and dressing better was a function of being able to get a job, not winning some stupid student council election. Maybe that's something only us "poor" kids could understand. Also, I've known you for a long time, and you don't really acknowledge the fact that you can sometimes act like a dickhead. I honestly didn't think you were a very nice person in high school either. Hence I suspect you said something that hurt her feelings - this would have indeed caused the vindictive, bitchy behavior I remember. And, Jesus Christ, this is teenagers in Gallup we're talking about. The epithet sucks, but it was par for the course given the environment.
Not meaning to be a personal insult on my comment. I can act like a dickhead sometimes too. Everybody can. But some self-reflection in situations like these can actually be pretty revealing. I think you probably assumed you thought she was getting too big for her britches and condescended for her, which caused the nasty reaction you got. But was that really your place either?
ANONYMOUS - Name calling? Where did I name call? Pugs is an old friend of mine so I think I can be frank with him. He's more than just a name on a blog to me so I have a deeper interest than just stroking his ego, which is what the majority of blog commenters do. Plus, he's talking about another dear old friend of mine so I have information that neither you or he does. Please keep in mind that this was in HIGH SCHOOL and none of us were at our most mature back then. I'd have a huge burden to carry if I still hated all the people who wronged me back then.
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