"Conway Man Dies Tampering With Electric Meter"
I guess that was a bad idea...
This story just screams redneck from head to toe:
Exhibit A: The name of the "victim" Lonnie Montgomery. The only way this would have been any better is if his name had "Jr." attached.
Exhibit B: The scene of the crime, Skunk Hollow Road. This name is pure gold! Reminds me of that Sissy Spacek movie "The Coal Miner's Daughter". They lived down in the "holler".
Exhibit C: The use of jumper cables to power your trailer. Well I can't be quite sure that it was a trailer but I do have to give him the benefit of the doubt. I digress...Who else would have the ingenuity and sheer genius intellect to think that a pair of jumper cables would be sufficient in directing massive electrical current into your home from a meter box? Sure, there are a lot of non-hillbillies out there who would do the same thing BUT would they still be clutching the damn thing till the very end I ask you? No, I didn't think so...
Here are a few redneck jokes that I came across recently:
Q: What do you call 32 Rednecks in one room?
A: A full set of teeth.
Q: What has 132 legs and 8 teeth?
A: The front row of a Garth Brooks concert!
A Letter From A Redneck Mother To Her Son:
Dear Son,
I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved. Won't be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here took the numbers with them for their house, so they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seen 'em since.
It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the second time.
The coat you wanted me to send to you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
We got a bill from the funeral home, and it said if we didn't make the final payment on Grandma's funeral bill, up she comes.
About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether if it is a boy or a girl so don't know if you are an Aunt or Uncle.
Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to get him out, but he fought them off playfully, so he drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup. One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. The other 2 drowned. They couldn't get the tail gate down.
Not much more news this time. Nothing much happened. If you don't get this letter, please let me know and I will send another one.
Love, Ma
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
32 teeth is 30 too many in the front row.
THE MOTHER'S LETTER IS HILARIOUS! I ALMOST CHOKED WHEN I READ THE LINE ABOUT THE CLOTHERS DISAPPEARING IN THE TOILET.
@ Garth: Come on, let's give them the benefit of the doubt! How about 25 teeth?
@ Anon: That was a good letter. It almost reminded me of that old Steve Martin movie "The Jerk".
"Skunk Hollow Road" just somehow doesn't sound like the kind of place folks move to who want their kids to grow up to win the Nobel prize for physics.
Post a Comment