Yes! Yes! Yes!...

"High School Lacrosse team suspended after spelling prom invitation on bare bottoms"

http://www.mlive.com/news/index.ssf/2008/04/high_school_lacrosse_team_susp.html

I totally would have gone to the prom with them...All of them:)

She Was Higher Than A Kite Last Night...

"Paula Abdul gets confused on 'Idol'"

http://www.cnn.com/2008/SHOWBIZ/TV/04/30/tv.americanidol.ap/index.html

This was a classic Paula moment last night. As I was watching I was thinking, "She's so high right now"...I kind of like her crystal ball technique of critiquing the singers. Let's heave upon them nonconstructive criticisms before they even sing the damn song. Whatever the hell she is on is totally mind blowing (and numbing for that matter). I have to ask my primary care Dr. for that prescription...

UPDATE: Strange...

"Inflatable Pig Lost After Pink Floyd's Roger Waters Coachella Set"

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,353245,00.html

I knew this whole pig thing was foreboding of something sinister. I bet Prince stole it after his set...

Wow Honey! Your Stiff As A Board...

"Newspaper Carrier Saves Elderly Woman Pinned for Days Under Dead Husband"

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,353223,00.html

This headline has all the makings of a great story. I see Viagra playing a role in this little scandal...Damn, not to be. After reading it the pleasantly plump husband keeled over on Blanche after mowing the lawn...I knew this was to good to be true!

Lick My Wheel!...

"Alabama Quadriplegic Man Charged with Producing Child Pornography"

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,353250,00.html

This guy has got game! It's incredible that he would be able to function a camcorder but to have enough charisma to get girls to shower in his house...He's a GOD! What exactly does a quaddy do with porn? Is there some kind of mechanical arm that rubs him one out? And does it even work down south to begin with. Enquiring minds want to know...So seedy...

Murtle, Lose The Pump! I's Got Viagra Now!...

"Chilean mayor to offer free Viagra to older men"

http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=080428230326.113jzcsc&show_article=1

What the article didn't mention is that the wives are getting free mace and stun guns as well...

Can I Have My Shoe Back From Your Ass?...

"You may now kick the bride"

http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/04/29/newlywed.brawl.ap/index.html

Was this Lil' Kim's or Foxy Brown's wedding reception? The dentist's karate kicks must really suck if the police found him on the floor and he lost a shoe...or the bride is some hardcore bitch. If this is only the beginning of the marriage, I see a reality show on the horizon...

Elmer, Can I Borrow Your Truck To Molest That Boy Again?...

"Suspended Tampa Middle School Teacher Arrested a Third Time on Charges of Having Sex With Students"

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,353059,00.html

Someone needs to sew her front butt up! Who in their right mind goes out, on bail no less, and does the same damn thing, not once, not twice but THREE TIMES! The big question is, Why in the hell does she still have a boyfriend who lets her borrow his truck after all those shenanigans?...He must be under aged as well...

Dat Der Truck Haz Dem Balls...

"State moves to ban fake testicles on vehicles"

http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSN4O32105020080425

I've actually seen these on a few trucks and it is kinda startling when first observed. They kind of look real and kinda gross actually...

Excuse Me, This Bread Sandwich Is Cold...

"300-pound inmate complains Ark. jail doesn't feed him well "

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080427/ap_on_fe_st/odd_jail_diet

Oh Christ on a cross. What the hell is this country coming to when we don't serve hot meals to a fat, bloated accused murderer? I feel like I should start a grass roots campaign to help these poor deprived individuals get the daily nutritional food allowance so they can go on and rape, maim and murder some other person...

Strange...

"Roger Waters plays `Dark Side,' unleashes giant pig "

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080428/ap_en_mu/music_coachella_roger_waters

Weird. I don't know what this is supposed to mean actually. Being a Hillary supporter, I have my thoughts...What do you think it means?...

Honey, Why Are There People Chained To The Wall In The Basement?...

"'House of Horrors' father confesses"

http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/europe/04/28/austria.cellar/index.html

This is raw grossness at it's grossest. This takes dirty to a whole new level. This is so gag inducing I gagged, LOL. It scares me that my neighbor could have a person tied up in their bedroom and I'm next door eating Lucky Charms watching Idol thinking everything is right with the world...

Shut Up Already...

"Rev. Wright Defends Sermons, Rattles Critics at NAACP Dinner"

http://elections.foxnews.com/2008/04/27/wright-discusses-public-crucifixion-at-sunday-services/

You know Obama is somewhere out there thinking the same thing as this headline, LOL. Seriously, does this guy think that we are all that stupid to not KNOW that the crap he spews forth is racist? Really? I like how he says that he's "descriptive" and not "divisive". Yeah, there are thousands people in mental hospitals now saying that they are "imaginative" or "creative" and not "paranoid" or "psychotic"...

Is This Guy Serious? Really?...

"WACKO JACKO BACK IN STUDIO"

http://www.nypost.com/seven/04252008/gossip/pagesix/wacko_jacko_back_in_studio_107999.htm

ROFL! The single most hilarious line I have read this year is in this article. "Jacko has also sworn off women for the time being, despite never seeming to care much for them anyway. " What they failed to mention is that young boys are still fair game!...

Stupid Ideas For Articles...

"The Top 10 Sex Mistakes That Men Make"

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,352520,00.html

Okay, this is the single reason why men in this country usually don't give a shit...The mostest dumbest article EVER! #6 is classic. Don't women whine about this same thing! Shut up already and just get on with it!...

Punching Bags Now Come With Wheels!...

"Bush Heckler Arrested After Punching Wheelchair-Bound Girl"

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,352498,00.html

LOL! Oh how the world today leaves no stone unturned. This is seriously outrageous yet, quite ironic. Bush has been punching our collective wheel chaired bound asses for 8 years now...

I say this guy goes to court and presents his case as an artistic representation of society and the Bush regime...Genius!...

Honey, Why Is There A Chainsaw Blade Coming Out Of The Floor?...

"S.F. landlords charged with tenant terror"

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/04/23/BAIU10ALDM.DTL&feed=rss.bayarea

Cutting the floor supports of your tenant, as well as, cutting holes in the floor, shutting off power and water, breaking into apartments, destroying property. These people obviously moved to San Francisco from New York as it's perfectly legal behaviour there...

Mommy, This Milk Tastes Funny...

"N.J. Officer Allegedly Performed Sex Acts On Cows"

http://cbs3.com/topstories/officer.robert.melia.2.706410.html

ROFL! Nasty. This is just plain dirty. I'm wondering what the hell he did with said bovine? Have you seen a cow's ass? 2 words...Not pretty...Not only do we have to worry about our kids being around this guy but now our livestock, in essence, our food! Would you rather drink milk from a cow that was untouched by human glans, lol, or straight up molested milk?...

Post script: The picture is classic. He just looks cow fucker-ish...

The Mother Of All Inventions!...

"Conflict follows device that drives away teen loiterers"

http://www.cnn.com/2008/TECH/04/23/teen.be.gone.ap/index.html

I like this idea. Fuck 'em...If they are in a place they shouldn't be, they should suffer the consequences. It's not like they have a right to vandalize areas where it was installed...

You So Crazy...

"Georgia Mother and Daughter Charged in Teacher Attack"

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,352359,00.html

LOL! You know if she named her daughter "Sequita", the bitch is crazy! Obviously the book in question here was either some Suze Orman manual or "Bad As I Wanna Be" by Dennis Rodman...Looks like homeschooling from now on to me...

This Guy Is Totally Going To Get A Fatwa On Him...

"'Basic Instinct' Director Paul Verhoeven: Jesus Was Son of Mary and Roman Rapist"

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,352277,00.html

Oh my...Can you imagine if this was true? The whole religious world would totally implode upon itself. Just actually thinking about it makes me feel guilty for doubting the story of immaculate conception, walking on water, turning water into wine, rising from the dead...I am interested in reading this one and seeing the reaction of society in general. Should be VERY interesting...

He Thought They Were Free Burritos...

"Secret Service Catch Mexican Official Nabbing White House BlackBerries"

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,352378,00.html

So he took them "accidentally". Yeah...uh huh...Did he mistake a different Blackberry for his own? SEVEN FREAKIN' TIMES! They should have jailed his ass if you want my opinion...

Have You Seen My Penis? I Seem To Have Misplaced It...

"Penis theft panic hits city.."

http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSN2319603620080423?feedType=RSS&feedName=oddlyEnoughNews&rpc=22&sp=true

Okay, after reading the first paragraph of this one I seriously thought it was a joke, but to my surprise, these people are fucking for real. ROFL! This has got to be the most ridiculous article that I have read this year. You can't make this shit up...

Update...Where Do I Sign Up? (04/22/2008)...

It is true...I was faced with a horrible fact of life yesterday. The price of my beer went up $1.00 in the liquor store. FUCK!...

A Funny Joke I Was Sent This Morning...

Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men....that night all three will wear a leather bodice S&M style, stilettos and a mask over their eyes .

After a few days they meet again.....

The engaged girlfriend said: 'The other night, when my boyfriend came back home, he found me in the leather bodice, 4" stilettos and a mask. He said, "You are the woman of my life! I love you...Then we made love all night long."

The mistress stated: "Oh Yes! The other night we met in his office. I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn't say a word. We just had wild sex all night."

The married one then said: "The other night I sent the kids to stay at my mother's for the night, I got myself ready, leather bodice, super stilettos and a mask over my eyes. My husband came in from work, grabbed the TV controller and a beer, and said, 'Hey Batman, what's for dinner?'"

Damn, That's An Ugly Bird (Shots Fired)...

"Rescuers Search for Missing Brazil Priest Carried Aloft by Party Balloons"

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,352217,00.html

Maybe he floated up to Jesus?...

Insert Lame "Head" Joke Here...

"Saudi Arabia Executes Convicted Murderer in 48th Beheading This Year"

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,352084,00.html

How barbaric is this place. It leads me to believe that if they find this sort of "justice" acceptable, then we really have no business getting involved with their politics. So irrational and disturbing...

Where Do I Sign Up?...

"'WARM' BEER CRI$I$: ECO-THREAT TO ALES"

http://www.nypost.com/seven/04222008/news/regionalnews/warm__beer_crii_107498.htm

Now this is tragic...

Muah Ha Ha Ha...

"BAMA-GEDDON IN HILL AD: STARRING DISASTER, WAR AND OSAMA"

http://www.nypost.com/seven/04222008/news/nationalnews/bama_geddon_in_hill_ad_107524.htm

ROFL! I love the dramatic headline on this one and then you look at the picture of Hillary and it's like she's in the middle of this maniacal laugh. How EVIL, LOL! I love how the media vilifies Clinton so. So one sided...

Murtle, Have They Caught That Obama Guy Yet?...

"Small Church's Obama Sign Causes Big Controversy"

http://www.wyff4.com/news/15948849/detail.html

A little redneck but I do see what they were going for. Interesting how Obama claims not to be Muslim but took the oath of office with the Koran and not a bible...

Another Slow News Day...

After a great weekend in Maine, back to reality...and no interesting news...

Couldn't They just Go To The Frozen Food Aisle?...

"Father Kills Son in Hunting Accident After Mistaking Him for Turkey "

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,351877,00.html

Yet another reason why we don't need idiots out there with guns. And really, do you need to be hunting turkey with a shotgun?...

You Don't Say...

"Pope calls church sex abuse scandal a 'deep shame'"

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/04/16/pope.wed/index.html

No shit Sherlock. The positive side of this whole thing is at least they are finally addressing the situation instead of ignoring it as they used to. It seems the only way to get their attention these days is through their wallet...

A Little Dab Will Do Ya...

"Medics Face Sack for Taping Removal of Canister From Man's Buttocks"

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080416/wr_nm/philippines_youtube_dc

LOL! If your ass smells that bad, for Pete's sake, TAKE A SHOWER. Don't just cover the smell up. The big question on everyone's mind is: Was the perfume Mariah Carey's new fragrance M?

Does This Band-Aid Make Me Look Cross-Eyed?...

"Florida Woman Survives Gunshot Right Between the Eyes"

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,351472,00.html

I wonder what they did to piss off the shooter? You know they totally cut off the person or didn't use a turn signal. Or it was probably a clergyman on his way to see the Pope in DC...I'm thinking of using a label for the state of Florida. Seems like a lot of shit goes down there...

INS!...Run!

"Nation's Largest Chicken Producer Raided for Immigration Identification Scam"

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,351486,00.html

I thought my chicken tasted a little fishy...(I know, lame joke)...

Something To Consider...

"Top Court Rejects Challenge to Kentucky's Use of Lethal Injections"

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,351456,00.html

When I read about these inmates contesting the death penalty as "cruel and unusual punishment"I always wonder what the hell they did to get onto death row to begin with. I wonder if they showed the same consideration to their victims as they now demand...

Have Her Change His Depends While She's At It...

"Call Girls at Nursing Home Fuel Debate in Denmark "

http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=newsarchive&sid=aVUcop17mg7s

LOL! Okay, who knew so much went down at nursing homes? Earlier this week we had crack buying grannies and now hookers on speed dial? Interesting how the "demeanor" of the resident changed for the better after the "visit". Just don't give him a cigarette after if he is on an oxygen tank...

And The Emmy Goes To...

"Inside the polygamist 'underage sex cult': Pictures show the grief of mothers who had their children taken away"

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/worldnews.html?in_article_id=559808&in_page_id=1811

This bitch in the first photo is totally going for the Emmy this year. What an actress! I saw her in 2 different interviews the past 2 days and she is so full of shit. When she got pressed about the child sex accusations, she totally tried to plead the fifth and basically took a "no comment" stance. She was with a few other women this morning on Good Morning America and was totally overacting the "grief" she felt. It was so transparent. I do believe that these women are fundamentally brainwashed and in need of psychiatric care as well as the children. BUT, how are you going to sit there and deny that child molestation is not happening when there are 12 and 13 year old girls that were pulled from the compound that are knocked up. HELLO! They totally knew what was going on because they saw it and they went through it themselves...

God Called, He Wants $50K More...

"Actor Jason Beghe: Scientology Is 'Brainwashing'"

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,351426,00.html

Interesting article. I always thought this thing was a money scam. I just can't believe that some people are that stupid to give $50K for a "course" on alien shit...In fact , I can't think of any "course" I would like to take for that amount of dough. I guess it would have to involve food, lots of food, maybe some sex and I guess a hot air balloon ride and whale watching...

You Kiss Better Than My Dad...

"Eight-Year-Old Girl Divorces Husband From Arranged Marriage"

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,351388,00.html

It never ceases to amaze me how pedophiles work and how they are EVERYWHERE. I seriously think these gross pigs need to not only be castrated but why not lop the whole God damn weenie off while we're down there? Agree?

Is This Guy For Real?...

"Ahmadinejad Calls September 11 Attacks a 'Suspicious Event"

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,351428,00.html

What a total pinhead. Really, a million people in Iraq? IF that is true, how many of those were killed by militant religious zealots in the name of Allah. Perhaps by suicide bombings? Honestly, that whole area should be disintegrated. They can't even get along amongst themselves let alone any other part of the world...

Ughh...Slow News Day...

Well, I could ponder over whether Ashley Simpson is preggers (will be an ugly baby), how Tom Cruise may be worried that Katie is not eating because of Posh Spice (pray to Xenu that she comes around), Rob Lowe's nanny crisis (she's lying most likely, golddigger), Heather Mills being a judge on the Miss USA pageant (ROFL! Like she has any idea of what beauty is, soulless vulture) or any number of celebs being arrested for DUI but honestly, who really gives a fuck?...

I Wonder What Was For Dessert?...

"Accused Cannibal, Convicted Sex Offender Dies in Prison"

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,351232,00.html

So gross...I would have hated to have been one of the neighbors that ate his food. But seriously, just by the way the guy looks, I probably wouldn't have eaten anything he tried to serve me...

A Funny And True Blurb...

Scouring the blogosphere I came across this little jewel:

"You Barack haters need to get with the program. There are special rules for Barack that you need to follow when referring to the Great One:

- You can't ever say Obama's middle name.
- You can't repeat what Obama says - nor try to explain it or put it into context.
- You can't mention Obama's decades-long relationships with racist pastors, criminal real-estate tycoons, or left wing radicals.
- You are supposed to ignore any and all statements and actions Obama has shown with respect to American flag lapel pins, pledging allegiance, or standing attention when the national anthem is played.
- Baracks experience is not supposed to be relevant; only his "soaring rhetoric" and the fact that he's a smooth talker (when on-script, that is).
- You are to believe him when he says talking with terrorists is good for the country.
- Whenever he or his wife says something that is racist, anti-American, or socialist -- we're to look under rocks and leaves until we can twist it into a Karl Rove plot, or pin it on President Bush.

Compliance with these rules is mandatory.

Obama/08 "

What Money Can Buy...

"What the Hell Happened to Your Face?"

http://photos.tmz.com/galleries/what_the_hell_happened_to_your_face#1

My God...If you can't grow old gracefully, jump off a bridge and end it. Some of these people are so damn nasty looking. I kinda think that Donatella Versace looks a lot like Janice from The Muppets. All she needs is a vest and a tambourine...

Mabel, This Crack Tastes Like Sourdough!...

"Man Accused Of Trying To Sell 'Bread-Ball' Crack At Nursing Home"

http://www.local6.com/news/15870412/detail.html

LOL! Interesting how the news report completely left out any follow up on the blue-hairs that were buying the fake crack! I didn't know there was such an epidemic of old geezers buying crack in the parking lots of their nursing homes! Hilarious...

People Who Should Shut Up...Part 2...

"Alicia Keys: 'Gangsta Rap' Created to Convince Black People to Kill Each Other"

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,350916,00.html

I like how she "wears a gold AK-47 pendant around her neck "to symbolize strength, power and killing 'em dead,". Killing who dead? White people? Or the stylist that gave her those horrible braids back in the day?

I also like this little nugget of wisdom: "The bicoastal feud between slain rappers Tupac Shakur and Notorious B.I.G. was fueled "by the government and the media, to stop another great black leader from existing." Okay, one was a rapist gangbanger and the other a morbidly obese former drug dealer. One couldn't manage his own weight let alone lead people to the promised land and the other couldn't manage to ask for permission to have sex with a lady before he did it anyway. Great role models there. Keep your bullshit to yourself and stick to singing you idiot...

People Who Should Just Shut Up...Part 1...

"Jeremiah Wright Sounds Off At Eulogy for Chicago Judge"

http://elections.foxnews.com/2008/04/13/jeremiah-wright-sounds-off-at-eulogogy-for-chicago-judge/

Oh Christ...Here we go again with this one. Talk about inappropriate. I thought this was a eulogy and not a fucking political rant. Some people have no class or good judgement. What cracks me up is the fact that he got a standing O for his rhetoric. I love how there's a double standard when it comes to being racist...

Mom, Can I Copy Your Homework?...

"Polygamist ranch raid climaxed with nonviolent protest at temple"

http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/04/10/polygamist.ranch/index.html

The only things these disgusting pigs were praying for is to get light sentences when they are convicted of child molestation. It totally turns my stomach that they had sex rooms and communal sex beds for men to bone little girls in. News reports say that a lot of the girls taken from the compound were already pregnant including one 16 year old that already had 4 kids! I saw pictures of the guys suspected of the rapes and molestations and they were just straight up gross looking. A Couple of them actually looked a lot like Senator Larry Craig. Nasty...

Avocados My Ass...

"Murder charges await Marine captured in Mexico "

http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/04/11/missing.marine/index.html

I have one comment on this one. He's totally lying about only eating fruit and avocados for like 3 months. He would be rail thin and gaunt looking. I'm sure he was hiding out with family down there. Notice how the clothes he has on are not dirty and the boy looks like he actually has been working out...

And The Winner Is...Not You...

"Miss California Also-Ran Takes on the Universe"

http://tv.yahoo.com/contributor/2266884/news/urn:newsml:tv.eonline.com:20080410:72139b2f52a2_4777_9cc7_ef2022fb7fd9__ER:1902

I don't know about this one...The "race card" has been SO overplayed that I automatically go on the defensive. Then again, it is fucking humiliating to have to live through the embarrassment that there was a "miscount" and you were not the winner (if that is true) after everyone saw you win Miss California and it was publicized in the news and media. The fact that they wanted HER to call the actual winner and relay the news is seriously lame. I say give her the money and tack on an extra million for being douches about the whole thing. They should have just given it to both of them...

...And She Paid For The Hookers Too!...

''SILDA KNEW OF HOOKERS"

http://www.nypost.com/seven/04102008/gossip/pagesix/silda_knew_of_hookers_105905.htm

I believe this like I believe there really is a Santa Claus. I like how a lot men that pork around say this very thing...

You Gonna Eat That Last Drumstick?...

"I was given a young man's heart - and started craving beer and Kentucky Fried Chicken. My daughter said I even walked like a man"

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/health/healthmain.html?in_article_id=558256&in_page_id=1774

Two things about this story. The first and obvious, simply put, is that it is merely a ploy to sell her book. Craving beer and KFC? Give me a fucking break. It would have been quite fascinating if he (the heart donor) turned out to be black. I would have absolutely lost my mind with hysterical laughter. I could just see her with a 40 oz and a bucket of chicken. How stupid and racist would that be, LOL, oh but I digress...I couldn't even finish reading this one as it is so filled with bullshit descriptions and lengthy prose (most of which could be done without). I hope she doesn't have another transplant or else we might be hearing of her second book about how she has an intense urge to pick her ass and fling feces after getting a monkey lung or something.

The other point I would like to address is in the first paragraph and how the man that committed suicide like the donor of the heart he received did before him. It turns out that he married the donor's former wife. Well, it's quite apparent that they both offed themselves to get away from her! HELLO! She might have been a holy terror. Who knows? You don't need a degree to come to that conclusion...

The Power Of Christ Compels You (To Stab Your Daughter)...

"Mom Kills Daughter Because She Thought She Was Possessed By a Demon"

http://www.myfoxchicago.com/myfox/pages/Home/Detail?contentId=6252901&version=2&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=TSTY&pageId=1.1.1

I swear, it never ceases to amaze me what the power of religion can do to people. Some seem to take it to extremes and a whole other level. Now seriously, being attacked by a 6 year old DOES NOT constitute a brutal slice and dice scene. If it was that bad she could have tried mace or turned on Dora the Explorer to distract the tot. Use your head people!...

OUCH!...

"City Worker Dead after Falling into Wood Chipper "

http://www.myfoxla.com/myfox/pages/News/Detail?contentId=6260348&version=1&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=VSTY&pageId=3.2.1

Oh man! This is plain tragic. Can you imagine the mess afterwards. Truly disturbing and awful.

It's Not About Race, Really It's Not...

"Obama advance: 'Get me more white people'"

http://www.politico.com/blogs/bensmith/0408/Obama_advance_Get_me_more_white_people.html

LOL! How stupid can you get? Like I've been saying all along, he's pulling the sheet over your eyes people!

Reservation For Two Please...NYC's Newest Hot Spot-The Clinic!...

"HOW'S TRICKS? ELIOT AND SILDA OUT IN PUBLIC"

http://www.nypost.com/seven/04092008/news/regionalnews/hows_tricks__105605.htm

I LOVE this headline, ha ha ha. Maybe they were there for an STD test? I'm wondering what in the hell she is waiting for? I would have dropped this sucker ALONG time ago. It makes her seem desperate or lacking in self esteem that she can't look this fool in the eye and say goodbye, HELLO!...(That just reminded me of that Beatles song, "...You say goodbye and I say hello. Hello, hello! I don't know why you say goodbye...)

A Fatwa On The Homeless!...

"Homeless Men Get Restraining Order Against Resident"

http://www.local10.com/news/15829038/detail.html

LOL! The best line of this whole story is the response of the guy they took a restraining order against:

"They're making things up as they smoke crack or whatever."

Priceless! The chainsaw thing adds a nice flair, don't you think? I wonder if he wore a bloody white apron and a mask made of human flesh? Maybe some crazy hair to top off the whole look...

She Must Have Had Aspirations Of Becoming Benny Hanna Chef...

"Teen Girls Killed in Wreck After Attempting to Rob Cab Driver by Slashing His Face"

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,348448,00.html

Karma is a bitch...And by the way, was this chick stupid or what? If your in a speeding car, it's probably not a good idea to dice up the driver's face while they are trying to concentrate on the road. You think?

Does He Also Own A Basket And A Flute?...

"Cobra bite lands 'snake boy' in hospital "

http://www.iol.co.za/index.php?set_id=1&click_id=14&art_id=vn20080408055313836C517452

Um, how stupid can one person be? I say they let this donut tough it out the next time he gets bit. What kind of douche nozzle keeps over a hundred snakes in their bedroom? Kind of reminds me of the old Gary Larson Far Side cartoons with snakes in them and you always saw some beehive wearing mother with horn-rimmed glasses talking to the nerdy kid. That's how I see the parents of this kid in my fragile little mind...Obviously that particular snake was not charmed by this snake charmer!...

Today's Special: Free Rape With Your Purchase...

"Orlando Area Woman Raped in Wal-Mart Parking Lot "

http://www.myfoxorlando.com/myfox/pages/News/Detail?contentId=6250152&version=8&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=TSTY&pageId=3.2.1

Kinda weird place to be stalking victims at 6 am but who knew? Maybe he needed some toilet paper and Old Roy dog food. I am totally going to get flogged for this but the guy is kinda hot looking. Anyway, I digress...The thing that makes me ill about this is that the kid was in the car. Thankfully, it is way too young to remember something like this happening...

Is It My Mom Or My Sister?...

"Abuse Probed at Polygamist Compound"

http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D8VTPM000&show_article=1

I can just see these skanky gross old trolls preying on the young girls in this place. Makes me sick actually. 401 children! WTF? You know something sketchy was totally going on in this place...

And The Parent Of The Week Award Goes To...

"Cops: Toddler Beaten to Death With Video Game Controller"

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,348055,00.html

Okay, this bastard needs to die. Enough said.

She Paints Better Than I Do... UPDATE...

I just got an email from the zoo on this one. I am officially number 38 on the list for a painting by Brittany. Nice. They also wanted to know if I wanted to buy paintings from the penguins there. I think that I may want one of those also. What would a penguin painting look like I wonder?...I should get my fat little pugs to start doing this and make them earn their keep!...

I Think I'm Going To Need A Bigger Toothbrush...

"'Vagina Dentata' - In Fact And Folklore"

http://www.healthcentral.com/drdean/408/13198.html

This is so gross, yet strangely compelling...

Maybe He Liked The Satin Pillows In The Viewing Case?...

"Burglar nabbed while playing dead at funeral parlor"

http://www.katu.com/news/weird/17221459.html

This is so damn hilarious! I like how he was "playing dead" but was still breathing normally, LOL! Another genius amongst us...

She Paints Better Than I Do...

"Artistic animals provide zoos an untapped source of revenue"

http://www.katu.com/news/weird/17353784.html

Cool story. I totally would buy one of these paintings!

At Last Some Happy News...

"Reports: Naomi Campbell Banned From British Airways"

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,347948,00.html

It's about time. I can't wait until she has to travel by boat and throws a passenger overboard, lol.

Does This Coffin Make Me Look Fat?...

"Woman Who Weighed 27 Pounds Finally Gaining Weight"

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,347850,00.html

This is one disease that I really don't get. If you're stupid enough to starve yourself, then go ahead and do so. If the fact that you can't pick yourself up out of a chair or the couch (because you're so damn brittle and thin) escapes you, If the fact that your shitting yourself from all the laxatives you ingest escapes you, If the fact that your teeth are rotting out of your God damn head and your breath smells to high heaven because you keep making your self puke escapes you, then by all means, waste away. I couldn't care less. There are people starving out there from poverty who deserve our sympathy more than some douchebag who thinks they are fat and won't eat. Good grief...

Dumbass Kids...

"8 Teens Charged With Attacking Girl for YouTube Video"

http://www.wftv.com/news/15817394/detail.html

I actually watched this video this morning and all I wanted to do was beat the shit out of the idiots that were ganging up on the 16 year old. Stupid, senseless and plain idiotic. I hope these girls get their asses sentenced to some hardcore time because this video was pretty brutal. The girl even tried to escape and they blocked the door and kept punching her in the head, hard. What the hell is wrong with these fucking kids?...

No interesting new items today...

Nothing really interesting this morning! I'll have to check back later on in the day.

Why Is He Still In The US?...

"NYC Cabbie Who Runs Anti-American Islamic Web Site Mocks GI Deaths, Calls for Shia Law In U.S."

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,347272,00.html

I wonder how long it takes for some patriotic nut job to read this and either blow this douchebag up in his cab or shoot his ass. And actually, I wouldn't cry over it if it did happen. If you're unhappy with America, MOVE!

I Wonder What You Get For A Step-Sister?...

"Police Allege New Mexico Man Traded Sister For Heroin"

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,347068,00.html

The hilarious part of the article is this little gem:

"The woman told police it wasn't the first time her brother traded her for drugs but that he'd never given "full custody" of her before. Previously, "she would have to go with the males that he would trade her to and then she would be released," police said."

What is she fucking retarded or have Down's possibly? Good grief. Only in New Mexico...

Jay-Z and Beyonce...

Are they married or aren't they? Who the fuck cares?

Glady's, What's For Dinner?...

"Police: Woman Stabs Husband During Fight Over Hot Dogs For Dinner "

http://www.local6.com/news/15793539/detail.html

Love the mugshot. She's got that "I don't give a shit" look. It's fun to imagine what went down in the kitchen on that night:
Him: "Hot dogs again? You promised me chicken wings and beer!"
Her: "I slave all day over a hot pot of boiling water and that's all you have to say?" (Grabs steak knife and the rest is history).

And doesn't her name fit the crime? Alfreda Van Bladel . Almost sounds like some schoolmarm who would beat the shit out of you for putting the jelly on the bread before the peanut butter. I see a career move in her future...

Must be one of those "Hoverrounds"...

"Police say man in wheelchair robbed bank"

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080404/ap_on_fe_st/wheelchair_bank_robbery

LOL!!! This is great! I love how his legs were bandaged and how one was sticking straight out in the wheelchair. I wonder if the cops would have tried to blow out his tires either by spike strip or shotgun if they were involved in a police chase with the 60 year old suspect. Better yet, I would have loved to see them do a pit move on him!

Charlton Heston...

Good actor : yes
Film legend : yes
Scary ass gun wielding senior citizen : yes

One of my favorite films of all time to this day still is The Ten Commandments. I usually watch it around Christmas and Easter time. I always thought Heston had a great voice and was incredibly handsome for his day. But as he got older I began to think he was a real crackpot. Especially the whole NRA thing. "From my cold dead hands!" - Well, okay. Can we now, finally, get some God damned gun control laws changed? I don't think anyone really needs an AK 47 for hunting, seriously...

Who Needs Linda Blair When Aunt Bessy Will Do...

"Priest 'made £3m from fake exorcisms'"

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2008/04/03/wexorcist103.xml

The Catholic Church lying to us? Say it isn't so. What can I say, there are some shady and sketchy ass priests out there. I must admit though, he does have a flare for theatrical productions...

A Possible New Wedding Dress Fad?

"REMY MA TO WED BEHIND BARS"

http://www.nypost.com/seven/04042008/news/regionalnews/wife_sentence_104925.htm

I love the picture in this article, HA HA HA! Awesome. At least she can wear whatever she wants as long as it makes it through the metal detector. I like how you have to be in jail for at least 7 months before you can set up an "appointment" to do the nasty.

Seems to be a day for trainwrecks...

When Grandpa Calls, Don't Answer...

"Shelton man accused of making obscene calls"

http://www.wtnh.com/global/story.asp?s=8117679

One word: Ewwwww...LOL!

What This Be-och Needs...

"Report: Naomi Campbell Arrested at Heathrow Airport, Suspected of Assaulting Police Officer"

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,345951,00.html

Sooner or later this chick's luck is going to run out. She is going to piss the wrong person off and they are going to beat the shinolah out of her firm taut little ass! Hopefully, it will be some ghetto chick from NYC who "ain't having it". We'll see if the police give a shit when that time comes. Who spits at a cop anyway? Dumb ass!

I like how she used her maids head as a soccer ball when she couldn't find her Stella McCartney jeans, lol. What a messy trainwreck of a human being this chick is.

Very Disturbing...

"Blood Racket Drained Poor Indians"

http://news.aol.com/story/_a/blood-racket-drained-poor-indians/20080403164109990001

It never ceases to amaze me how life in other countries is so different from ours. Money truly is the root of all evil in most cases. I like how they paid these people at the beginning and then beat their ass later on when they asked to be paid, lol.

Question: Could you live on less than a dollar a day? Or even six dollars a day as they were initially paid for the scam?

A Truer Statement Has Never Been Said...

"BARACK'S A LOST CAUSE: HILL"

http://www.nypost.com/seven/04032008/news/nationalnews/baracks_a_lost_cause__hill_104814.htm

Bill Richardson is a douchebag. I like how he totally whored himself out for the media coverage when Clinton spent Superbowl Sunday at his house and then stabbed the Clinton's in the backs by endorsing Obama. I wonder what Barrack promised him if he should win the election. It's going to be interesting when the margin calls come in should Obama win. All these defectors are going to be crying foul when they get an empty basket just like the rest of the country. This guy is not the right choice. So sad...

Just Plain Bullshit...

"Pregnant man tells Oprah: It's a miracle."

http://www.reuters.com/article/topNews/idUSN0337888820080403?feedType=RSS&feedName=topNews&rpc=22&sp=true

This is such bullshit. This is not a man. She's a woman, HELLO! If she has a vag and a uterus, it's not a man, it's a woman. I totally see this whole thing as a dumbass publicity stunt. Do these people ever realize what the hell they are setting their kids up for?

File This Under "Yeah Right"...

"Bobby Brown: Whitney Led Me to Drugs"

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,345588,00.html

This has to be the most hilarious thing I have heard this year so far. Whitney was only a lesbo, not a drug addict, before she met Bobby. I'm sure all those women he spawned with before Whitney also tripped and fell on his dick as well. He just looks all greasy and smelly in every picture I see of him. He's got that crack-smoker skin, so-clammy and sweaty. Dirty.

Just Plain Gross...

"Arkansas Fixes Law That Allowed Anyone — Newborns Included — to Marry"

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,345692,00.html

What will those crazy rednecks think of next. I think there is a law allowing farm livestock and Downs people to marry as long as the dowery includes a life supply of wife beaters and a can of Skoal.