So...It seems that not only is there a thief running around our building stealing shit from others (yesterday someone's lunch was stolen out of the God damn microwave if you can believe that. Add it to the list: My ring, bottles of orange juice, items off of a person's desk) now there is a renegade toilet non-flusher/vandal.
I go into the men's room to relieve myself and just happen to walk into a stall that someone obviously had been in recently - as there was a huge turd circling the calm waters of the porcelain God. But wait! It gets better...This was no ordinary log, no, this one had (cue mystery sound effects: "dun dun dun!")...hair growing out of it! Yes, that's right, it was a fucking hairy ass brown loaf, right there in the toilet! I was so grossed out I came right back to my desk and grabbed my phone so I could take a picture of this raunchy site. I am debating whether to add this photo to the post as it would certainly ruin my reputation of high brow material but then again...
This left me thinking, how does one get their shit to grow hair, literally? Several theories abound here in the office (you think I would keep this discovery to myself? Please...). Maybe they like to eat their own hair? Maybe it's an underdeveloped twin that was living inside their colon and was expelled. Maybe it's some type of voodoo ritual? Whatever the case, it's large and mean looking. I just think that judging by the size of the damn thing the owner didn't have the heart to flush it. I'm sure they were in labor for quite a spell and then realized that the act of flushing this being, especially since it had hair, would be too much to bear so they unleashed it upon the next unsuspecting sap who walked in. Unfortunately that had to be me...
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6 comments:
At this point I would like to draw the word bezoar to your attention.
Also tricophagia.
And "censor". I am ordinarily not a big fan of repressive censorship, nor would I of all people urge you to kill that picture merely in the cause of decency and good taste ...
But c'mon man, I just had lunch.
Being that I work with you and saw the pic on your phone soon after I have to testify. The brown shit loaf was larger than a baked potatoe. You have to put the pic up it's revolting. Someone in our office is walking around with a big tear in their ass after shitting that out. Tomorrow let's look out for someone who is limping or walking like a penguin. Just another day at work...
Don't post it here. Put it up on ratemypoo.com.
DINGDINGDINGDING!
"The correct answer is BEZOAR! Tell Metro what he won, Johnny!"
Just so long as I don't get a copy of the home game ...
I REMEMBER READING ABOUT THAT METRO! I WAS APPAULED THAT SOMEONE WOUDL EAT THEIR OWN HAIR AND IN SUCH A MASSIVE QUANTITY. I WONDERED IF SHE HAD DANDRUFF AS WELL. WOULD HAVE MADE FOR A NICE CONDIMENT FOR THE ENTRE.
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